


There Is No Light

by TheKeeperOfFate



Series: The Lion and the Wolf [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Humor, Dreamers (Dragon Age), Elvhen Language, Elvhen Pantheon, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Fridge Horror, M/M, Mages and Templars, Mental Instability, POV Cullen Rutherford, Red Lyrium, Red Lyrium Cullen, Rite of Tranquility, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-15 09:21:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5780338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheKeeperOfFate/pseuds/TheKeeperOfFate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Two hearts, one coin. Two minds, one goal. Two marks, one sky. Two heralds, one God. Twin souls, but now we must part." - Josh Trevelyan</p><p>After the failure of the Inquisition, Cullen gets a second chance to make things right. Fen'Harel however has other plans. Unbeknownst to the Dread Wolf, so does the Lion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All This Shit Is Weird

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! ^_^  
> This work picks up right where Shadows In The Light ended. I hope you enjoy the journey ahead! :)  
> Entire work is from Cullen's POV.  
> As with Shadows In The Light, this fanfic has a lot of violence, fluff and smut.
> 
> I wrote this chapter while listening to Red Tower (Battlecry) by Two Steps From Hell.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maker's breath! He's making my task impossible!

Maker’s breath! It’s been days since our departure from Ostwick but I can’t keep my eyes off Joshua. Andraste’s ass, I feel like a teenage boy again. I stammer in his presence, I feel my face catch ablaze when he gives me a lopsided grin and I want to kiss him. I really want to kiss him. It takes everything I am to stop myself from grabbing him and fucking him senseless.

I should be thinking about stopping Solas- I know! I should be thinking about averting the chaos made by Fen’Harel in the future and I know Maxwell is giving me the evil eye but I cannot help it! Maker- he’s so perfect. The way he moves, the way he speaks, the way he sings… Oh Maker—he is so lovely to look at as he eats the nug stew I made. I-

“Well, the perimeter is clear so I suggest we get some rest. Who’s going to take first watch?” Maxwell asked, sending a glare my way after packing away some bowls and tankards he carried after Josh finished his meal. He was being the protective brother and I understood. Branson was like that as well but at least Maxwell approved of Josh’s inclinations. My hand shot up and Maxwell sighed when Josh lifted his as well. He shook his head comically. “Fine. First watch will be the both of you. Second watch will be me and Alara. Don’t get distracted, wake us before sun up. We need to survive tonight at the very least if we want to stop this ‘Solas’.”

I nodded to him as he climbed into his tent. Alara followed suit in the tent beside his before blowing me a raspberry. She was quite happy to have me around after I affirmed that I wasn’t interested in putting her into a Circle. At least, she didn’t shoot me with her weird magicky arrows- whatever it’s called.

Josh moved over to the eastern end of camp and sat down on a rock as I settled at the west. He took out a book from his satchel while keeping his staff on hand if it was required for the next few hours. I on the other hand remained standing. My body was used to standing around and watching for ominous signs, but for goodness sake, every few seconds, my body would betray me and I’d turn to look briefly at the Knight-Enchanter, then turn back to the darkness before he caught me leering at him and his handsome face. 

In a feeble attempt to get him out of my thoughts, I practiced vhenan-ise. (Heartfire, thank you for that at least, Solas) Josh was kind enough to help me find the spirit of Valor that helped me out in the Fade and he was helping me once more. I felt at ease knowing that I could summon up fire again. It was an overwhelming feeling at first as I had to get used to the idea of magic flowing through me again and it didn’t help that I recently quit lyrium and started to feel cold all over.

The flame danced in my palm as I tried my best to control it. It sputtered about and died once my head began to throb and I heard a small chuckle beside me. I turned and saw Josh; he gave me a curious look as he took my bare hand and traced the lines of my palm with his fingers. The feeling of his fingers ignited a fire in me and I wanted him to feel it, but not yet. (You will know my feelings when the time comes, ma fen. I promise.)

“Spirit warrior.” The mage smiled as he let go of my hand and stood beside me, shoulder to shoulder. “I am impressed. Spirits are…picky- for one to seek you out willingly as a non-mage, humbling.”

“I am glad you think so. I…uh isn’t the east unguarded if you stand here with me?”

“Not really. Knowing Max, he’s sleeping with one eye open and let’s face it, there’s mostly fennecs and rams out here. If there are outlaws about, I’m sure you’ll protect me and the others.” Josh grinned at me and I felt my cheeks heat up. 

“I…yes. Of course Joshua.”

“Josh.”

“Huh…what?” I wasn’t paying attention to him. I was too busy looking at his lips and imagining what they would taste like to even bother.

“C-Call me Josh.” The mage stammered with a beam. I smiled as he pulled me down to the ground and we sat beside each other. He gave me a curious glance as he handed me Alara’s sketchbook and I immediately began to stammer. He must have seen the drawings Alara drew of us, intimately kissing when we thought we were alone.

“Y-You looked through it?”

“Yes and I think that it’s fine. I respect you. You’ve been honest with me thus far and I have no reason not to trust you Cullen.” Josh gave me a smile that made me melt inside, melting away the anxiety I had, but instinctively I looked away to hide my red cheeks. “It’s brave that you’ve stopped taking it. Or is it ‘will stop taking it’? I’m not really clear on things.”

Oh right, Alara must have ripped out the pages with our intimate moments to keep it under wraps for now. Smart girl.

“I…I’ve stopped. It’s been a few weeks now.” I forced a smile on my face as I turned back to the mage; I must have made a face because he gave me a worried look then placed a warm hand on my forehead. He then took my hand again and smiled sadly.

“You have the cold hands don’t you?” 

I nodded and the mage looked at me with a knowing glance as he looked out in the distance at the black sky filled with stars beyond counting and the radiant moon behind them all, illuminating the land.

“As First Enchanter, I see it every day. Enchanters and apprentices are blind to the suffering of Templars. They see the good, the smiling men and women who look after us and keep us safe from the outside world but they do not see what Templars lose to lyrium.” Josh spoke as he scratched at the back of his neck and smiled at me. I could see that it was something that weighed heavily on him so I asked him to tell me about a case he had with a templar who lost much from lyrium. “Knight-Commander Hale has grandchildren but he doesn’t remember them. It’s sad. Templars pay a heavy price for being our guardians. It isn’t fair.”

“How do you feel about the Mage Rebellion?” I asked and the mage grimaced slightly with a small cuss. He shook his head in derision.

“I understand the need for personal freedom. I allow my mages to do as they please so long as a templar is informed of their intentions and whereabouts and for the most part, Ser Hale and I have been managing quite well. I know that things in Kinloch Hold and Kirkwall were quite bad but there doesn’t have to be so much bloodshed.” The Knight-Enchanter gritted his teeth and sighed. “I am all for ‘mage freedom’, but not at the cost of the innocent templars who protect us and especially not at the cost of countless innocents who die for no reason at all but for being ‘mage sympathizers’ or ‘templar zealots’. Where do you stand Cullen?”

To be completely honest, I did not hear a word he said. I was busying myself imagining the sounds he would make if I kissed his neck and bit down to claim ownership of him. I wanted to pin him down and take him up against a tree as he screamed my name. I wanted to-

“…Cullen?” The mage gave me an amused look as he shook my shoulder and tittered when I returned his look with one of confusion. I was so enraptured by his voice; I just…zoned out and imagined how it would feel to him writhing under me, or over me. I desired touch, whether it was to please me or to please him but I had to stay focused. I didn’t want him to think I was a templar who wanted to fuck his mage senseless, but then again- “Are… you alright?”

“I am…just- my head hurts.” I feint pain and the mage nodded to himself and touched my arm. I imagined it roaming elsewhere but stopped the train of thought before I ended up with tenting breeches.

“Well, I’m here if you need me Cullen.” Josh grinned at me as I began to flip through the sketchbook. It was mostly drawings of Skyhold, a few of the inner circle and a lot of me. I actually flushed when I saw how accurate Alara was, the precise strokes of her charcoal or ink (depending on what she had on hand I guess), Josh laughed at me as he explained that his foster sister had an eidetic memory and as such she could recall images in perfect clarity. 

The final image was a sketch of Solas in front of the eluvian. Josh took an instant liking to it for some reason but I felt a bulge in the cover of the book, at the end. I pulled at the seams and Josh let out a curious noise as he watched me unfold a series of pages stitched into the cover. It was a transcript of parts of a book addressed to me and Josh.

“’All This Shit Is Weird’ by Varric Tethras. For Curly and Grinner.” Josh read aloud as he moved behind me, half laughing as he leaned over my shoulder and I felt his hot breath on my neck and I wanted to kiss him. (Not yet, not yet, not yet! Maker’s breath! Not yet!) “Oh dear, that’s a bad title; I mean I loved Hard in Hightown, but this title is just…I can’t take it seriously!”

“The sky churned like a rolling sea on a dark and stormy night.” I could not resist the urge to read further, the name caught me off guard and I knew I had to read what Varric wrote in his latest novel. The Tale of the Champion was quite the read.“Centered on a gaping hole that led to the arse-end of nowhere: A hole that spit out many things that day: Comets, demons and a whole lot of trouble.” 

“That’s the ‘Breach’ you mentioned isn’t it?!” Josh’s eyes lit up like candles in a darkened cloister as he settled beside me again and this time, he sat impossibly close as he waited for me to read on.

“The din of the tavern cut the silence like it owed the Carta money. In the middle, in her element, Red Jenny. She looked at me up and down, mostly down. ‘Not playing, Varric.’ She said gesturing and dismissively eating a sandwich. ‘Don’t write that, seriously. Piss off! I’m waitin’ for my Widdles.’ Sera made the subtext text which suited me fine.” Oh Sera. My best friend and now she’d probably prank me again if we crossed paths. And the cake she gave me….ugh. I was stuck in the latrine for a whole day because of that “peace offering”.

“Ooooh!” Josh whispered excitedly when he realized his loud talking was rousing Maxwell from his sleep. “I like her.”

“She stuffed earwigs into my pillows once.”

“Aww shame!” Josh chuckled into my ear and I began to feel my body heat up unbearably as his breath tickled my neck and ear.

“The Court Enchantress twirled into the room like a drop of beautiful poison spreading in a wine glass. She sized me up with a glance. ‘I’m so glad you made it, my dear’ she said. “I am Madame de Fer, the most terrifying person you shall ever meet.”

“Oh hell, I met her once at Senior Enchanter Lydia’s behest. She is terrifying.”

“Well, she has a soft spot for you.” Josh gave me a mocking laugh as he urged me to read on. I was quite turned on, so it was getting harder and harder (literally) to stay focused on the task at hand.

“Divine Victoria enfolded Alfonse in an embrace as warm as a serpent’s kiss. ‘I always knew I could count on your support.’ The Count did not feel the coldness of Neria’s Blood Control spell until it was too late. ‘Even if it requires your forced co-operation.’

“That’s Sister Nightingale and her Warden lover, right?” Josh gave me a worried look. “I’m terrified of that pair.”

“They liked you.”

“Oh. Good.” Josh wiped at his forehead as he rested his head on my shoulder nonchalantly as I continued on, hoping to the Maker that he would not notice me shifting slightly so my untimely erection was well hidden under the pages in my hand.

“Drops of rain glistened on a griffon medallion grasped tenderly in Blackwall’s hand. ‘The Silverite Wings of Valor- they mean nothing…but on you, they represent my love for you.” He clasped the medallion onto Lady Montilyet’s slender, tanned neck and she smiled as the rain poured down on them, her eyes brimming with life like opals. ‘I know what you did. I know and I love you still the same.’

“Oh my word, so romantic!” Josh squeed to himself and I made a mental note to try and elicit the same noise from him in bed when the time came, preferably- or not. I had some of my best nights out of bed with him. I cleared my throat so he would concentrate on my reading and not on Blackwall and Josephine.

“Cole moved like a shadow, moving in tandem with a flicker of light, wearing a hat where dreams came to be reborn. ‘It’s a riddle.’ He whispered. ‘A cold riddle that you will never understand.’ The light whispered as she kissed his cheek and they spoke as one. ‘Know that you’ll feel better when it is gone.’”

“Spirits?” Josh asked with an excited look as his beard grazed my neck. I shook my head with an amused look.

“Cole is a spirit. Belle is your apprentice. She fell in love with him after…after some bad things happened to her.” I breathed as he nodded sadly. I attempted to remove my arousal by ignoring how I felt but each time he shifted; I got more and more excited. A few times, I had to bite my tongue so I didn’t moan out loud.

“We left our mark in the Arbor Wilds but the dust hadn’t settled- neither did Lady Hawke. ‘You who would place yourself above your Herald: why do you torment me now with serenades and pretty songs?’ Branson approached her and she gasped when he pulled her into a sudden kiss. ‘I sing because I love you. Your sunshine heart can melt my frozen soul.”

“So…romantic.”

“My brother was an asshole, but he saw the light in the end. He loved her and he changed for her.”

“I should meet him.” 

I changed the subject as fast as I could. Branson would hate him for now, he needed Bethany first, and then Josh can chat to him as much as it would please him.

“The Iron Bull was a great slab of muscle, with horns that could hang a tapestry. One eye scanned for threats to his beloved ‘Vint and the other hid behind an eye-patch like a chantry sister’s old sins. ‘Come on, drink with us!’ he barked as Dorian shook his head in disdain and waved his hands about ostentatiously. ‘I am not touching this…backwater swill!’” 

“You befriended a Qunari?”

“Not just any Qunari, Ben-Hassrath.”

“The Qunari spys?” Josh gave me curious look as he leaned forward onto my back and I felt his hand grip onto my arm slightly. Josh at first looked at me alarmed when I gave him a stern look. He wanted to pull away but the night was cold and I didn’t mind him touching me. I nodded to him and he leaned onto my arm and back and I relished in his touch. (Though it wasn’t the right places that he touched)

“The bald elf spun, mage-staff crackling like the city after a good man’s murder. ‘You’re crazy!’ The Red Templar cried in terror, moonlight glinted off ears like the knives you never see coming. ‘Better to fade out than burn away.” An arrow struck with the force of a high dragon as the keeper slid beside the mage and kissed his cheek. ‘So long as you don’t fade out alone.’”

“Alara and Solas.”

“Yes. We will need a day to talk about those two.” I cussed as Josh nodded, his beard tickled my neck and I had to hold in my laugh or else Maxwell or Alara would wake up early.

“It sounds romantic.” I nodded to the mage as I continued on, harder than before and hoping to the Maker than there wasn’t too much more left to read. (I need…release.) 

“The Seeker clutched at his armor, her tears as desperate as they were pitiful. ‘Hawke, I was wrong about you.’ She sobbed. ‘Could you find it in your heart to forgive me?’ Killer gave her a remorseful look and he grinned at her roguishly then kissed her passionately, garnering a loud moan from her lips. ‘Forgive you? There is nothing to forgive. I am your Champion.’”

Josh squeed louder than the last time and he inadvertently touched my back with his chest as he giggled to himself happily, none the wiser to how hot and bothered he made me. I enjoyed the feeling of his hand on my arm and the warmth he radiated to my core and it was deafening to hear my heart beat madly as I imagined ramming into him and-

“Wait- but where are we? Oh…here it is.” Josh noticed that I was stalling, so he took the pages from my hands and grazed over my hardness but I don’t think he noticed it. He cleared his throat and I was too horny to pull the pages from his fingers as he leaned over my shoulder and read aloud. 

“The Commander had a look of a templar who had seen the worst of humanity yet still had time style his hair. However that templar fell apart once the Inquisitor stood in front of him, both wanting, both blushing furiously as the mage turned away in tears forming from unrequited love, but the former-templar was quick. He moved like a lion for the kill, tongues waging war as teeth clashed but Cullen did not care. Josh pulled away from the Commander with an elated look and then leaned in to kiss his scar. ‘Ar lath ma, vherain.’ He whispered; the warrior smiled inwardly as he pulled his Inquisitor into a tight hug. ‘Ar lath ma, fen. ’”

It was only when Josh gave me a dirty look that I realized what he had read. His cheeks were red like tomatoes as he scrambled away and into his tent with a whimper, the first morning rays of light covered the black firmament as I stood awkwardly, Maxwell glowering from his tent. Alara shook her head in laughter as I trudged off quickly to relieve myself. 

(Damn you, Varric!)


	2. These Demons Are Clever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have a plan but it's not going exactly to my liking. I didn't plan on getting a rival!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Strength of a Thousand Men (Archangel) by Two Steps From Hell.

Joshua hadn’t spoken to me for a few days. I felt utterly rejected when he’d look at me solemnly then turn away. Maxwell would glare, but he gave me a knowing glance as he saw to his brother and sister. I kept my distance for most of the journey to Redcliffe but once we reached the Hinterlands, I needed to inform them of the change of plans.

“I will be going to Val Royeaux to find a Friend of Red Jenny. Then I’ll go to meet with Madame de Fer. We will need her connections in the Orlesian Court to further our goals before the Inquisition is born. When we secure her aid, I will go to Caer Oswin to help the Seekers.”

“You would go alone in a time as turbulent as this? Nonsense, we will come with you.” Maxwell insisted but I shook my head in disapproval.

“No. You are needed elsewhere. The Mages are spread out in fear of the templars and I hear Fiona is on the move to settle in Redcliffe. Also, keep an eye out for a Warden named Blackwall. We will need him.”

“You want me to persuade them to help us with my family’s prestige?” 

“Yes. Alara will help you because she’s not a circle mage, the rebels won’t suspect trickery on your part with her around. Josh will-“

“I’ll go with you.” The mage cut me off before I could finish and he snarled as I gave him a shocked look. “If my siblings are going after the mages, then we will find templars together. We will amass a force to face the Elder One before the Conclave.”

  “Are you sure? What good will you be if you won’t even speak to me, ma vhenan?” I spat out the words without thinking and Josh flustered slightly.

“We’re speaking now, aren’t we?”

“We are.” I admitted as Josh said his goodbyes. I asked them to keep an eye out for Venatori agents and for Dorian. His insight and magic would come in handy.

“How are we going to get to Val Royeaux, pray tell?” Josh sneered without looking at me as we headed west towards the Frostback Mountains. “It is at least a week’s ride and I don’t know the way. Do you?”

“I do.” I affirmed and chuckled inwardly as Josh mimicked my serious expression. Granted, I hoped to the Maker that I didn’t look as sour as he made me out to be. My head was throbbing as it was and Josh began to irritate me beyond reason. I loved the man, but I…he didn’t feel the same at the moment. (Well, it sucks.)  

“Do we have a problem with each other, Knight-Commander?”

“You do.”

“How do I address it then?”

“I dunno.”

“So you’re okay with the hostility?”

“Don’t care.”

“How about you answer in more than two words, you…you…bastard!” Josh struck my back hard with his staff and I turned to him with a look of anger. I pushed him against a tree and pinned him in place as the mage let out a girlish cry when my lips grazed his neck but I stopped myself from kissing (and biting) him. He looked frightened but I didn’t care.

“Never, ever strike me Josh!” I roared as I pulled away and the mage gave me a worried look as I turned to move on without him, I heard him cry out my name as I moved westward.

“Wait!”

“Don’t tell me to fucking wait!” I bawled as I dodged a few branches to my face. I didn’t look where I was going and I ended up walking face first onto a tree. Pain surged my face as I fell onto my side, trying to move, but was weighed down by my armor as I cursed myself for wearing it still against my better judgment. Josh rushed to my side and tried to heal my scraped cheek but I swatted his hand away with a growl. “I don’t need your magic. I don’t need your help. I don’t need your fucking company or your sympathy. You say you understand my pain but in fact you do not! I am past physical pain, First Enchanter.”

“Cullen…I…”

“No. Don’t speak. I am leaving for Val Royeaux now. Either you go back to Redcliffe and help there or you go back to Ostwick and stay the fuck away from the Conclave.”

“But Cullen…”

“There is no but. Go.”

“You’re such an arse…Why are you doing this?”

“For you.” I cussed and I saw the mage’s eyes begin to water. I handed him a handkerchief and pointed back to the path we took. “Go.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Tel’abelas.” I gritted my teeth as I pulled off my necklace and split it into its halves, the mage gave me a curious look as I clasped half to his hand and the other to my own. I then gave him a horn I fashioned from yew that could call out to birds. I managed to rekindle my friendship with the brown owl I had when I was an Avvar. I showed the mage how it worked and he looked at me worried as he tried yet again to heal my wound but I punched his face and he looked at me in shock as I dispassionately healed my own wound- then his. “Go before I break more than just your damn nose!”

“You’re… I hate you!”

“Hate me. Love me. Whatever- I was once told that emotion could take a person far. Feel however you need to feel. Let it sustain you. But remember this: When a white wolf comes to you in your dreams, you blow that horn as hard as you can and I will find you ma vhenan. And I swear to the Maker, if you keep anything from me- anything at all, I will fuck you so hard, you’ll forget your name.”

I heard Josh’s breath hitch as he flushed profusely. He intoned his fade cloak as he scurried off, but it was a sickening moment. I didn’t mean to hurt him but it was better this way, at least he wouldn’t get in my way. I had a chance to save him and the others and I would not fail. I would not.

 

\---

 

Luckily, I was able to call to the brown bear that helped me when I was an Avvar. She was smaller though, and could not carry me to Val Royeaux, but she did help me scare off some foolish bandits who tried to pillage my campsite as I hunted for food.

I slept rather peacefully than before. Back then, I dreamt of her- Neria. She was all I desired in a woman…beauty, intellect, wit- She was perfect but for one thing. She loved women, not men and thus I watched from afar. I indulged in fantasies of her in my bed and the demons of Kinloch Hold knew my tastes. But of course, I resisted- 

These demons are clever. They delve into your heart and pull at the cords that keep you grounded. Desire came to me every night in his form, naked and hard as he would grind against my cold flesh but the demon would forget a simple detail and I could pull away, knowing in my heart that the demon could never claim to be him. 

I knew every contour of that body just as I knew how to fight. It came naturally to work his flesh with my fingers. It felt right. When the demons appeared, I could tell it wasn’t him at a glance. Sometimes his eyes would be too green or too brown, his grasp too firm or too tender, his voice too raspy or too sweet, his scent too rosy or not at all- that was the one that normally gave him away. Josh smelled like roses, but it was a faint smell, like a breeze in the early parts of a summer morning, carrying the scent in the air- faint but oh so enticing. Naturally, I killed the demons but more would come eventually, so it became a sort of game after a while, they were my prey and I their hunter.

The weird thing was that I never loved a man before. I looked at women and I clearly desired them. With Josh, it was a slow process. I…grew to like him. I mean…it’s not like he looked like a woman or anything like that, if anything, Josh was very handsome but I ultimately fell for who he was and not his appearance. The sex was amazing though. To be honest, I was afraid but once I took him- I kind of just went with it. 

I was under the stars, thinking about my beloved mage and I remembered the look on his face as I chastised him. He was turned on by it- and that was the thing about Josh: Inquisitor, Herald of Andraste, First-Enchanter of the Ostwick Circle, Herald of Fen’Harel and he absolutely loved the idea of being dominated. And no- it’s not really forced or anything. We had a watchword (“Shite”, hehe- I know right? Thank you Sera) and for the most part no one got hurt. I missed it. I wanted to hold him and kiss his tanned skin. But for now, my own efforts would have to suffice.

The next morning was uneventful; I ended up huddled with the bear, both of us shivering as we travelled to Orlais. Fortunately, I was able to use my magic to warm us up as we travelled and soon we left the frigid mountain (and a few dumbstruck pilgrims) and made our way through the Exalted Plains. 

During the journey, I heard men shouting as lightning filled the air. I drew my blade and asked the bear to stay put. I peeked around a tall rock and saw a woman tossing shock spells at three templars. There was a dead elf behind her as she threw out a bolt of blood at an unlucky templar, paralyzing him but not killing him. When I drew nearer, I realized that the blood mage was Linnea (I recognized her from Haven) and that she was hopelessly outnumbered, so she took control of a templar to even the odds.

The moment I entered the fray, she killed the remaining two templars with a burst of ice, but I moved before she spotted me. I brought my blade to her back and impaled her; she let out a shrill cry as I retracted the blade. Both she and her puppet fell to the ground and I let out a sigh of relief as I cleaned my blade and thanked the Maker for my luck to slay her before the Conclave.( I might not revere Him as much as I did before, but I do believe He exists), but that was until my bear decided to inspect the newly fallen knight and managed to garner a groan from him. (Huh?)

I approached carefully as the young templar shrieked out of fear as the bear attempted to lick his helm. He backed away quickly and scrambled to his feet as he tossed off his helm with a scream. He pointed to the bear and gave me a shocked look.

“A b-bear!!!” The templar cried as I blocked the bear with my arm. The blonde templar shook his head in confusion as he looked at my armor and the bear nuzzling my arm. “Dammit, lyrium is getting to me! A knight-commander and a bear?! Get it together Jason!”

“Ser Jason? Do you know First Enchanter Joshua Trevelyan?” The youth nodded and I felt my stomach churn slightly as I saw his short blonde hair and his grey eyes. He was very handsome, I gave him that. (Well…shit.)

It instantly dawned on me that this was the man Josh fell in love with. This was Jason, his first love. I calm him down somewhat and got to explain my situation…somewhat as well. He looked worse than Sera looked after an explanation from Solas but he looked eager to help out, especially once I mentioned the danger to Josh.

We opted to make camp against one of the rock formations that granted some semblance of safety. The knight’s body was recovering from being Linnea’s puppet so I urged him to eat and then sleep. We had enough time to speak once he was up and about. 

When I stopped my meditations, I found the bear cuddling with him and I had to admit, it was kind of cute, he grew attached to her. I liked his open mindedness about magic. He wasn’t afraid of my vhenan-ise. We kind of bonded over me saving him from Linnea’s spell and he was rather honest when I asked him about what happened between him and Josh.

“I like him. He’s really…different, you know?” The templar said with a shrug as I handed him my water skin. “His family didn’t approve. His templar cousin accused me of sleeping with a mage and planted forged love letters in my room. I was transferred to Cumberland the next week, along with Linnea. She was our unruly friend who happened to like Josh as well. She escaped the tower by bewitching a templar, I was sent to find her and you know the rest.”

I nodded to him sadly as he smiled, took a swig of water and pointed to me with a knowing look.

“I know your reasons for doing all this…but who are you to him? I mean…what you’re doing- it’s awfully romantic, isn’t it?”

“It is?” (Very astute of you, Jason.)

The templar nodded as he handed the water skin back to me and I flushed under his gaze.

“We are friends.”

“Oh nonsense. You like him don’t you? It’s okay. I understand. He’s…likable I guess. I didn’t expect someone like you to like him though.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I gave the youth a cynical glance and he chuckled.

“You know- manly. Tough. Dangerous. I mean….you’re the Knight-Commander of Kirkwall. You could have anyone you want.”

“I don’t want anyone. I want Josh.” I smiled when the templar grinned at me and extended his hand.

“I want him as well. Tell you what then- we both court him, and then he’ll decide who he wants. May the best man win?"

I took his hand without a moment’s pause and shook it eagerly.

“May he indeed.”

(Oh Maker, what am I getting myself into?)


	3. Tough Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got a taste of my own medicine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Flying Snow (Classics Vol.2) by Two Steps From Hell.

Val Royeaux was irritating. I had to let my bear roam the wilderness as Jason and I roamed the streets in search of any signs of Red Jenny. I sent out a message to Tantervale with my owl to Charade Amell, I remembered her helping out Sera with some trouble the Red Jennies averted but Maker it was irritating. I really hoped the woman knew where Hawke was. We needed him, badly.

Getting a response from Madame de Fer was much easier. All it took as a visit to Duke du Guislain’s home and she happily met with us. (Naturally, the woman used too many syllables and acted like a fool but it was fine. She was required.) Vivienne was overjoyed to meet me, the man who stood against Meredith and helped Hawke escape but I wasn’t interested in chit chat.

“I know of your lover’s condition and I can help you…but only if you help us in our quest. I can get you the heart of a snowy wyvern, Madame Vivienne.”

For once, I saw Vivienne’s determined glare subside as she nodded and smiled to me.

“My dear, if you can truly do so, then you are Maker-sent.”

“I’m not so sure about that milady. I was just…sent.” I shrugged and she nodded. She left with Jason for the Summer Bazaar to find Red Jenny while I left for Ghilan’nain’s Grove in the Exalted Plains. I told them that if I wasn’t back in Val Royeaux within the next week, they had to move on without me to Redcliffe.

It took me a few hours to clear out the rocks; Valor gave me strength to break them and fight the gurguts. My bear was more than happy to bite at their tails as I took the brunt of the snapping jaws and sharp claws. I kept away from the dragon’s nesting grounds and hunted the snowy wyvern. A few times, the wyvern managed to poison me, but luckily, I adapted a version of my templar Dispel into a version used by mages. It seared the skin of the foolish beast and purged toxins from my bear and myself. It was a win-win. 

I was going to return to Val Royeaux but then I felt it, a faint shaking in the leaves- a silent howl rustling through the trees and the slight shake of the ground: Josh blew the horn.

I sent the heart with the owl for Vivienne after it returned from word of Hawke. The Champion was with Charade and offered his aid as he would travel to Ostwick to meet with me once I got the mages’ and the templars’ aid. It was settled then, with or without the Red Jenny, I would return to Redcliffe to check on Josh. Solas was making his move and I needed to intercept him if I could. I released the bear into the wild because frankly, I needed to return with all the alacrity I could muster and I had a feeling keeping her at my side would stop her from fending for herself and ultimately slow me down.

I arrived back in Ferelden after a week and Redcliffe looked empty for the most part, Alara and Maxwell took the mages and Fiona to Ostwick. Luckily, I met with Vivienne and Sera there. The Red Jenny looked at me skeptically until I sang ‘Sera Was Never’ to her and her jaw dropped.

“Shite! That’s ‘bout me!”

“Yeah- I mean, yes. We need you Sera- help us stop the bad future I came from. I know it’s a lot to-“

“After that song, really bad future innit?!” The elf smacked my back and I gave her a warm look as she grinned at me. “I’ll help sure! I mean… you’re really nice and Josh-Posh…he’s nice too. Like a family yeah?”

“Enough of that, my dear.” Vivienne chimed with an irate look and curtsied me, the first time I believe that I had ever seen her bow to anyone. “Bastien is doing better with the serum. Thank you my dear, you are a gem.”

“Just trying to avert disaster.” I admitted.

“Ser Cullen Rutherford?” A gruff voice I immediately recognized said as I turned to face Blackwall, who approached from the Gull and Lantern. “My name is-“

“Thom Rainer.” I hissed as I grabbed hold of his armor and pushed him to a stone wall, he tried to flail out from my grasp but I was stronger. His eyes dilated as I gritted my teeth and heard the women behind me gasp in horror. “I know what you did and I know what you really are.”

“What are you going to do about it?” The man asked with a hint of remorse in his voice as I pulled away and gave him a stern look. I extended my hand and smiled at him.

“Nothing. You are a good man- At least; the Thom Rainier I knew became a good man. I expect you to do the same.” 

“I…” Blackwall stammered as he flushed and shook my hand briefly. “Yes. I will.”

“Good. Have you been briefed on the situation?”

“Yes but I’m still reeling from the whole ‘world is going to end’ part.”

“Reel all you want, we must act.” Vivienne smirked as she pointed over to the tavern. “Ser Cullen, your friend Joshua is waiting for you in the tavern. I would suggest you meet with him to decide what happens next. Also, before I forget, I bespoke some armor for you, it’s with Josh.”

I thanked her and made my way to the tavern. It was mostly empty but for Josh, Jason, Dorian and a few patrons. The mage looked good with his short hair again. Long hair didn’t really suit him.

“Cullen.” Josh smiled as I made my way over to their table and settled beside Dorian. The mage looked at me in worry, eyeing my armor as I returned a nod to the Knight-Enchanter. “It’s good to see you. This is-“

“Dorian of House Pavus. Look- I know why you left Tevinter, don’t be ashamed. Pariah or not, you are the best Tevinter has right now. Take solace in that.”

“Wow. Okay, so you really are from the future.” Dorian flushed at my words and decided to remain silent.

“Vivienne made armor for you; it’s in your room, last door down the hall.” Josh pointed to the stairs and I nodded. At least he knew I was tired. 

“Thanks for the room, Josh.” I thanked him with a dapper grin and he smiled slightly. Ser Jason sat beside him, rigid and somewhat ill at ease. “Something wrong?”

“N-No.” The templar stammered but I knew that something was wrong. Dorian excused himself suddenly as he ran off to the stairs and left me with a scowling Josh and a Jason who could barely look me in the eye.

“Cullen. We need to talk.”

“Talk then.” I smiled at him and he returned the smile halfheartedly. 

“Yes- Talk…” Josh closed his eyes briefly and shook his head as he spoke. He looked somewhat distressed; I asked if he was okay. He nodded but looked sadly at me. “Cullen…I…”

“Yes?”

He flushed deeper as he looked at Jason who flushed as well. The templar sweated profusely and rubbed at his brow with his sleeve and averted his eyes when I turned to him. I heard him mutter a prayer to himself as Josh took my hand and smiled bleakly as I turned my gaze to his hand touching mine.

“I’d rather we were friends.”

(…What?)

I looked up and saw his face, unchanging as his eyes turned steely, the glow of green-brown replaced by a dull sheen of jewel-like colors. It took me a moment to realize what he had said. I gave Jason a look and he looked away in shame. He turned to Josh and tried to protest but the mage gave him a stubborn look. He turned back to me and glared at me and I got the message. Loud and clear.

I got up and Josh attempted to pull me back to the table, but I gave him a blank look. I was incapable of feeling anything in that moment- my heart shattered into pieces as I ripped my hand away and moved towards my room. Jason called out to me and tried to follow, but I locked the door.

Hours went by as Josh and Jason tried to speak to me but I remained silent. I sat on the bed, blankly looking at the armor spread out, admiring the way it looked and imagined if Josh would like me in it, but I blocked out that- and the feeling it brought. 

 I was doing all this for him. (Damn it. Damn it all!) It was Haven all over again!

“I would…value your friendship. I cannot offer you more. I…I trust that you understand.” I remember saying those words like it was yesterday and I remember the look drawn out on his face as he tried to run from me. I remember the sound of him crying as he fade cloaked to break away from me and suddenly I knew what he felt.

It was overwhelming dread- a sense of numbness inside. You see color and you hear music. You breathe and you eat. You live but it is meaningless. Color is fleeting, music becomes noise, air becomes stale, food…bitter and your life- it becomes unbearable. And then the throbbing started.

The sound of bones cracking sounded out and I heard Josh’s muffled cry as I stabbed him- both sounds of a time I lost him. He gave me a second chance to fix things: To ensure that Fen’Harel would not win, to change his mind of our world, to redeem him. But I failed, not in regard to Solas, but Josh.

He let go of me and I must…do the same.

When the chantry bell rang out twice, I donned the lion armor and I made peace with my decisions. I stripped of the adornments and broke off the left gauntlet, leaving only the cloth underneath. I torn at the helm’s amber plumage and I left it bare. I donned the helm and I left him a message. It was simple:

 

\---

 

“Ir abelas, ma nas’falon.”

Cullen

 

\---

 

I left a message for Jason, instructions to move on to Therinfal Redoubt while I moved to help the Seekers in Caer Oswin. I didn’t care anymore about the Inner Circle or the Inquisition. All I wanted to do was prevent Solas from destroying everything. At least then, Josh would be happy. He didn’t have to be with me. I understood that.

I took a small detour to Honnleath and stood at the lake. I remembered all the times I had with Josh and I accepted the fact that I was now the outsider. I took my mother’s ring and pulled it from my bracelet, it was a wonderful ring for Josh but I didn’t need it anymore. I threw it back into the lake, my heart heavy with anger, fear and self loathing- then the feelings were gone.

I camped on the outskirts of town and…I was knocked out by a figure in black after being ambushed. (I know, how careless of me) My vision returned a few times as I was dragged through the forest, paralyzed but I saw my captor: Samson. He wasn’t wearing Red Templar armor, but I figured that it wouldn’t be long. The Conclave was a few months away.

I dreamt of demons that came in Josh's form. They would try to entice me to fuck him senseless but I rejected them- violently of course. I knew he would never be mine again.

“But you don’t accept it.” A voice spoke as I dreamt. “Don’t accept it. He cares.”

“Begone demon!” I roared as I opened my eyes but I found myself in a beautiful field covered in flowers, an elven woman with silvery hair and golden eyes stood a few meters away. She smiled at me warmly as she approached and my anger dissipated when she took my hand and cupped my cheek.

“I am no demon, Cullen.”

“Who are you then?”

“I am…Hope. I was called the Matchmaker by the man you seek to stop.” She smiled solemnly as she picked a flower and placed it in my hair. “You have such lovely hair, child. I can understand why he loves you.”

“He loves me?”

“He does.”

“But he loves Jason.”

“He loves you. Jason…is not stupid. He knows you are the one for Josh. My friend simply is too wrapped up in the idea of having Jason in his life again. They were torn apart abruptly and thus…there was no closure.”

“I’ve written off the idea of being with him. He wants friendship.”

“Unwritten. You felt the same once, he loved you anyways. Look where it took you.”

“What…? How do you…”

“Hope is an emotion that transcends time, Avvar. It echoes to the edges and comes right back to the hand that created it.” The spirit grinned as she circled me. She appraised me silently as she twirled about and smiled. “When you feel the hunger again, think of him.”

“The hunger?” She nodded as the flowers wilted and she disappeared as the realm crumbled into redness.

I was in a cell, tortured by Samson and a few of his templars; body bruised and in a lot of pain, but I was used to the feeling so it didn’t bother me too much. My body and head was secured into place with some kind of metal brace. From the cold sweat I could feel all over my skin, I could tell I was naked. 

“You have been a thorn in my master’s side.” Samson smirked as he slowly cut into my chest. I let out a cry of pain when he drove it deep and twisted the dagger. He then broke my left arm, at the same time; my screams were muffled when a templar grabbed my open mouth and forced something into my mouth. I tried to spit it out but it flowed down. Samson smiled at me when I realized what I was forced to swallow as I screamed from the burning sensation. It felt like my body was on fire. (No! NO!) “But now- You are the first. Feel honored, Rutherford.”

He released me from the brace and I crumpled up into a mess of flesh as I tried to move but soon I was shackled to the wall. All I could think of was pain. Oh the pain! (I need the red. I need the red. I need the red.)

Day after day, I was forced to take it. It filled me. My ears ringed with a song I was not familiar with. Lyrium normally has a peaceful song, but this song- it was beautiful. Like a voice, close then far, then close again- each time I’m about to hear the words- but it is too far. I tried to block it out- but how does one block out something in your blood?

Samson was a sadist. He placed a full length mirror in front of me and relished in the look I would have when I saw how pale my skin was. My red veins stood out easily and my eyes- (Oh Maker my eyes.) The white of my eyes were dulling down towards a dark grey and my irises were no longer brown. They were blood red and terrified me. Lord Seeker Lucius was impressed by my progress as he pointed to the red crystals beginning to break through flesh to mend my broken arm. A few times, I heard Calpernia snort in disgust and argue with Samson. She seemed appalled by my treatment. She kept asking him to release me into her custody- from the looks she gave me, I understood why. Samson’s methods disgusted her. Perhaps Josh was right to have spared her at the temple. 

After what seemed to be weeks (my sense of time was stunted), I figured that I was in Caer Oswin as I heard many Seekers come through, never to return. I heard some screams but wasn’t alarmed by it. Screams were commonplace in my life…In my mind- everywhere to be honest, so I shut my eyes to try and block the mental agony I was in. It was only when I felt a hand to my cheek and the sound of the shackles falling away that I opened my eyes and I saw him looking at me with a distressed look.

“Aneth ara, ma falon” The elf spoke as he helped me to my feet and handed me a heavy bundle of my clothes and armor. He helped me to pull it on but I cussed when the cold metal met my skin. It felt like someone branded me with fire from inside. He allowed me to use his shoulder for support as we moved deeper into the fortress. He gave me a new sword and shield and smiled as he returned my mother’s ring with a sad glint in his eyes. He turned leave as labored steps grew closer. “Vherain- hamin. Na lath nadas suledin. Josh na mala sulahn’nehn.”

Solas disappeared as fast as he arrived, I held out my blade as shadows approached- I was delirious and in much pain but Cole- He wept as he pointed to me.

“They fed the Red to him.”

“Maker’s breath!” I managed to bark as Josh pulled me into a hug but I instinctively pulled away. The tainted sound of my own voice scared me. I sounded…wrong. “First, we kill these bastards. Then…then…”

“We go home to the others and find you help.”

“No…I have a job to finish. I will not rest until I…”

“Cullen- you have red lyrium in your veins, it might-“

“Damn you! I am doing this for you. Show me the darkness and I will light your path, even if you are not mine. I am your lion.”

“Oh Cullen.” 

“D-Don’t ‘Oh Cullen’ me.” I hissed as he tried to pull me into a hug, I slapped his hands away and pointed to his face. Cole looked at me in shock as I spoke. “I am doing everything for you Josh. I don’t want your love or your gratitude. I want you to live.”

“I want you to live as well.”

“Don’t want for that.”

“Why?” Josh glared at me with downturned eyes.

“You died for me. I might just have to return the favor.”

(Don’t look at me like that Josh.)

 


	4. Promises Of Destruction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I could hear the Red. It was...beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to No Honor In Blood (Battlecry) by Two Steps From Hell.

“How long was I gone?”

“Two months. You just…disappeared. Cole found me and led me to you.” 

Cole then revealed that the so called “knights” here were “Promisers”, a fanatical group of cultists obsessed with the Seekers of Truth. We fought through many of them and I delighted in the fact that Red Lyrium hadn’t dulled my fighting skill. I cut bone and flesh easily as I did before- I could take a beating just like before- the only real differences was an insatiable hunger to kill my foes, a heightened sense of movement and red crystal growing out of my wounds. (Don’t look, Josh.)

“Where are the others?”

“Jason, Vivienne and Sera are at Therinfal Redoubt dealing with Envy. My brother, sister, Dorian and Blackwall are meeting with Alexius and Calpernia in Ostwick. ” Josh spoke as I peeked around a corner. 

“Good.” The way was clear, I was about to move forward but he pulled at my arm. I pushed him away and snarled. “Do not worry yourself over me.”

“I have to worry. I care about y-“

“Don’t say it.” I stopped him in his tracks. Cole gave him a sad look and pointed his gaze to the floor.

“Echoes- I loved you with all my heart. I followed you to the end of time. I killed you so I could save you and you want friendship. I am your friend then. I am your Lion-“

“Shut up, Compassion!” I brought my fist down hard onto Cole’s chest, the spirit doubled backward and Josh moved to his side. The spirit lifted his head in sadness and shook his head- he then looked at Josh and shook his head. 

“Cole is innocent. Why are you-“

“No more words.” I flatly shut him down. Josh gave me an angry look as I moved on without him.

“Cullen-“

“No more fucking words.” I turned back to the mage and his eyes widened in fear as I grabbed his throat and slammed him against the wall. He had a horrified look as I blankly gazed at him and nodded to myself. “I need to kill them. I need it. I don’t need your words. They are hollow.”

I let go of the mage and he looked at me perplexed as he massaged his throat. I offered a hand to Cole, he took it reluctantly but smiled solemnly as if he knew some secret thing of which I had no idea. (Stay out of my head.)

We approached what seemed to be the courtyard of the fortress. We stood above the stables- I guessed from the smell of horse shit emanating from below. We saw a seeker being dragged inside by a few templars who shut the doors behind them. The courtyard was well guarded, two archers at the doors leading inside the main keep- a shield bearer at the stairs. 

I assumed a shield wall stance as I jumped off the high-ground; Josh remained hidden up top while Cole kept to the shadows and followed me. I drummed my shield to get their attention and blocked when I saw an arrow come my way. I saw Cole assassinate the first archer as I parried a blow to my chest and struck out hard to open him up. Josh stepped out of the fade and impaled the knight on his spirit-blade. I heard an arrow fly as Cole slit the next archer’s throat and instinctively bull rushed Josh, the arrow struck my shield as Josh recovered and fired a barrage of icicles at the lone archer in the barn. She was dead before the second shard hit her.

“Thank you, Cullen.”

I merely gave him a blank look as I moved to the doors of the keep and saw that it was locked.

“You won’t even speak to me?”

“…” I moved away from the mage and checked the bodies for a key.

“I am in pain.” I heard Cole speak and I shook my head. I wasn’t in the mood for his crap and I didn’t want to hurt him again, so I blocked him out- but instead I heard the song so I reverted to hearing Cole carry on about my feelings and Josh’s apparently. “Do not look at me. I am a monster now. I want you to live. I want you. But you want friendship- Friends then. I am your friend- but you care too much still. I let go of you. Do not make this any harder than it already is.”

“Oh Cullen.” (Stop it with the ‘Oh Cullen’s! Damn you Josh.)

I ignored him, found the key and opened the keep. Inside, there was a contingent of knights surrounding a very young Seeker, bound in place with a metal brace. Before any of the templars could do anything to him, I intoned fire and cast it out- but it wasn’t vhenan-ise. It a blood red flame and it struck swiftly. The ball of flame seared many of the knights, allowing Cole to move in and save the Seeker while Josh and I handled the remaining templars. Cole released the man and he looked at me in confusion as I sheath my blade and helped him to his feet.

“Thank you. Who are you people?” The youth asked with a grateful look as he bowed to us.

“I am Joshua, First Enchanter of the Ostwick Circle; these are my friends, Knight-Commander Cullen Rutherford of Kirkwall and Cole. He’s the one who brought me here.” (Yes. I am your “friend”.)

“I am Daniel, I trained under Seeker Pentaghast.” The seeker smiled slightly but he cringed when I broke into a coughing fit. “You don’t look well, Knight-Commander.”

“They…fed me red lyrium. I seems like I was their first subject.”

“Red Lyrium? Seekers are immune- I do not know why but the Lord Seeker- he’s gone mad. If we kill him- I can find you help from amongst the other seekers. ” The young seeker affirmed as he pointed to the doors leading deeper into Caer Oswin but I shook my head in disregard.

“We will kill him; you will leave here and find Cassandra. Tell her- her that he she wishes to avert disaster, she must come to Ostwick with Leliana and Varric. Then you reroute all Seekers to Ostwick.”

“What about you, sir?” Daniel gave me a worried look and I waved him off.

“I’ve survived worse.”

“What could be worse than slowly becoming a monster?”

“Losing the one you love.”

“I…” The Seeker hesitated and I saw Josh look away in sadness as Cole whispered something in his ear. “I will go then. Make the bastard pay!”

I nodded to him and Josh approached me. He opened his mouth to speak but I placed a finger over his kissable lips.

“You can rebuke the Red with your touch but I expect you keep your distance.”

“I can save you?”

‘No, but you can slow it down. This is something that cannot be cured.”

“I should help you-” Josh moved close to me and took hold of my former-broken arm. He reached for one of the crystals and cried out when I ripped his hand away and pushed him against a wooden beam. Cole shook his head slightly as he moved over to the throne and searched about. “Why?”

“Maybe I like suffering. Maybe it’s my way of coming to terms with loss- to suffer and prevail.”

“It’s foolish.”

“You’re foolish.”

 

\---

 

We managed to deal with the Lord Seeker with relative ease. He tried to drain Josh’s mana but I was able to dispel his efforts, allowing Cole to strike mercilessly. The Promisers were no more and the remaining Seekers would make their way to Ostwick once Daniel met with Cassandra.

The spirit disappeared as Josh helped me to mount his horse, the mage forced me to ride behind him as we returned to Ostwick, taking a few rest stops between to rest our tired limbs. Cole probably followed from the shadows to keep the Knight-Enchanter safe. 

One night- after a hazy dream of gruesome deaths and reliving my past failures over and over again, I felt like my spine was burning from the inside out. I must have screamed out because Josh bounced from his bed roll and settled beside me. He tore at my armor, leaving me in just my pants. I flushed as he let out a gasp when he saw how pale I was. I tried to push him away but I was too tired, too consumed by pain and noise to even hear what he was saying.

He touched a red crystal and I finally heard him, a low hiss of pain as the red broke away and blood pooled at the wound as my arm broke again. Josh tried to mend it but that was when I felt it- absolute pain…coursing through my veins, stabbing into my eyes, twisting into my legs, ripping at my arms, pressing my chest and tearing out of my back. (What…is happening to me?!)

I screamed as I pushed Josh away and moved onto all fours as I roared, barely held up by my body. I punched down with each roar. I felt my skin being penetrated by red lyrium. I felt my flesh tear inch by inch- I felt my blood curdle as it turned to crystal, I saw the look of dread on Josh’s face as he leaned against a tree for support. He watched in silence as I roared, each time louder than the last time- pure agony in a single voice- raw and terrifying as I heard every wild animal steer clear of our camp- A solemn roar as the forest went silent.

“S-Stay back!” I managed to stutter between the roars of pain. I could not stop myself from screaming out and roaring. It was pain beyond anything I had ever felt before and I wanted it gone. Josh gave me a miserable look as he watched me, but soon he shook his head in anger and he pounced towards me, seizing my body in a tight embrace.

“I can help you!”

“No one can help me, Josh.”

“I don’t care.” Josh touched the crystals on my back as I spewed out blood- the sensation of him removing the lyrium made me feel sick but soon I felt weak. Utterly weak and I realized: Lyrium cannot be forced out, it takes time to be removed- to detox the body of its effects. If I wanted to survive it, I had to run its course and hope to the Maker that I didn’t turn into a monster. 

“Josh…stop!” I snarled as I pushed him away and he looked at me confused as I explained what I had realized.

“Fine then.” Josh muttered to himself but then gave me a worried look and wiped the blood away from my mouth. “But that was just your upper body, what…about down…”

Josh pointed to my pants and we both flushed as I realized what he meant. I crawled away from him as he reached for my pants but he caught hold of my arm and his gaze softened.

“I want to help you, my friend.”

“I don’t want your help.”

“Oh Cullen, I…please…” (Josh…stop it) The mage gave me a resolute look as he moved for my pants, his fingers already undoing the ties of it and I found myself unable to move as he pushed me onto my back. He tugged down my pants and my smalls painfully slow- instinctively I covered myself, but Josh removed my hands and attempted to heal the bruising on my thighs and feet. His fingers trail upward from my thighs and stopped short of my hardening cock. The song rang in my head as I looked at the mage in shame.

“I’m sorry.” I stammered as he checked it for any welts or signing of the crystals forming. The mage shook his head and flushed.

“Don’t be…uh…I’ve never seen another man naked before.”

“I’m sorry that it was me then in this sorry state, and not Jason.”

“How you feel can’t be helped. It’s natural.” I saw Josh look away bashfully. “Like how I feel.”

“How do you feel?”

“Foolish.”

Josh then moved over to me and gave me a sad look, then he suddenly straddled me- pinning me down to the ground as he moved in for a kiss. At first, I was in disbelief- it was only when I felt his tongue lick my scar that I knew it was real. His fingers roamed my body; my flesh felt like it was on fire as he grazed the dagger wound Samson gave me. 

Before I knew it, Josh was stripping off his armor and flush against me as he started a slow grind against my cock. I returned the grinds eagerly.

“What a-about Jason?”

“He ended things with me after you left; said h-he saw how much you loved me and that he could not stand in the way of true love.” Josh kissed at my neck and I bucked against his dick. “How do you…want to do this?”

“Just as we are…when I- if I get better, we can try other ways.”

“You will get better.”

“I d-don’t know if I will. I…” I inhaled sharply as Josh began to move faster and took our throbbing needs into his hand. He looked into my eyes and smiled as he intoned ice and the cold trickled onto my flesh making me buck into his hand for heat.

“You look so handsome with that scar.” Josh leaned forward and kissed at it. He was changing the subject. I understood why. He wanted to indulge for once without fear of losing someone he loved. “And your eyes…Maker they would strike fear into any man but I see love where others see terror.”

“When I s-saw them, I was afraid that I looked like a monster.”

“Y-You could never be a monster.”

“You hated me.”

“I shouldn’t have said that…I was upset and…and-“

“I’m close…a-as well…” I managed to cry before Josh came with a loud howl. The noise he made drove me over the edge and I felt my inhibitions go away as I covered our chests in my spunk. For once since being forced the Red, I heard no song- only the pants Josh made as he rolled off me and snuggled my arm. “That…was…wow. Uh- how…how do you feel?”

“Foolish. I’m sorry I said that I hated you. I…love you. I love who you are and what you are doing for all of us and I will help you get through this. I owe you that much at least.”

“You don’t owe me anything Josh. I love you too.”

Josh brought a spare rag to clean us up. Once clean, we settled beside each other, half clothed and blushing. I began to hear the song again but it was quite distant- a few times I cringed as the red ravaged my insides but I knew somehow that I would be okay.

“We didn’t have a chance to talk about the white wolf.”

“Oh…right.” Josh smiled slightly as he looked at me and nodded. “He came to me since the day I blew the horn. He watches me- a few times he helped me with some demons harassing me.”

“Tell me if anything changes. We have to be one step ahead of him and the Elder One.”

“Of course.” Josh pulled me into a kiss and I savored in the taste of him. He then pulled away abruptly. “Can I ask a favor of you?”

“Sure, Josh.”

“Next time…could you take me?”

“Take you? Where?” I feint inexperience and Josh’s blush intensified as he looked away and placed a warm hand on my chest.

“You know what I mean.”

“I don’t. Where must I take you?”

“Against a tree. Or in my quarters, against the bookshelves. Or what about…”

“Whoa whoa whoa!” I chuckled as the mage flushed and kissed my cheek. “Let me recover- if I can.”

“Think of it as motivation to recover.” Josh straddled my hips and kissed my scar as he roamed my body with his fingers again. “I want to have you to myself.”

“You have me.”

(I promise.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Cullen...there's just something very badass about a man (or woman) who suffers endlessly and still manages to overcome life's challenges, no matter how tough it is.


	5. Happier Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got to meet my lover's parents. It was...enlightening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Unforgiven (Battlecry) by Two Steps From Hell.

Ostwick was abuzz. We arrived at nightfall but the streets were lined with guards, all nervous and uncertain as mages and templars stood outside the Trevelyan estate. I shook my head and gave Josh a knowing look as the mage pulled me towards his family estate. I had my helm on, so people were none the wiser to my identity.

Alexius and Calpernia looked uneasy as Maxwell pointed towards Josh and me. The magister feint a smile my way but I merely glared while Josh got to introducing himself and entering the grounds of the estate. I followed him as Maxwell pointed to the mansion and warned that Lady Trevelyan was in a sour mood and that Lord Trevelyan was more jovial…for the moment.

The old woman regarded me carefully as I entered the antechamber leading towards the ballroom. She stood in an elegant dress made from royale sea silk and had her graying hair up in a stylish bun. I bowed to her and she merely snorted. With one hand in front of her chest, swaying to and fro pretentiously and the other draped behind her back, she sneered when a fight broke out in front of her manor, she reached for a crossbow she kept on hand before anyone could react and fired out into the crowd, garnering a loud cry.

The crowd moved away from the man she shot (An assassin from what I could tell by the looks everyone had on their faces.) and she smiled when the crowd died down and remained silent. She introduced herself from the balcony as she handed the crossbow to her butler.

“Greetings, I am Lady Aurelia Trevelyan, welcome to our city and our humble abode. Do be careful not to touch the trees, I had them imported from Antiva and do not walk on the grass. I pay to have it verdant and I will skin you alive and make a dress out of your miserable hide if I find you on the grass.” The woman chimed in a voice I could only describe as Orlesian. (Ugh.) She pointed to Alexius and Calpernia and told her butler, a balding middle aged man to usher them into the tea room. The woman bid us farewell with a shallow smile and I was greeted by Calpernia’s confused eyes.

“You were at Caer Oswin.” Calpernia looked shocked when I pulled off my helm, Alexius winched at the sight of my eyes.

“As you can see, I am alive. Thank you for the offers to take me under your care. It was nice to know that someone from Tevinter has standards.”

“I could not simply allow him to change you and treat you like an animal. I serve the Elder One, but I have a heart.”

“And I have an appointment to keep. Why have you called us here?” Alexius sighed as he looked outside and watched as Fiona and Barris approached the mansion. They entered and looked shocked when they caught sight of me.

“Welcome, Free-mages and Free-templars of Thedas.”

“You honor us, but who are you?” Barris scoffed as he gave Fiona a dirty look.

“Knight-Commander Cullen Rutherford of Kirkwall, how do you do?” I bowed and the guests nodded. I then pointed to Josh who nodded. “And this is First Enchanter Joshua Trevelyan of the Ostwick Circle.”

“I know him. First Enchanter of a sedate circle, why are we here? I will not force my people back into the-“

“To the point: Calpernia, I can prove that your master wishes to control you- mind, body and soul. Gereon, I may have a cure for your son’s illness. Barris and Fiona, I have a way for the mages and templars to work to together.”

Everyone had a completely flabbergasted look on their face. I turned to Josh and we chuckled at each other, before they bombarded us with questions- I explained the situation as best I could. Once I got to the identity of the Elder One and showed them the dark future ahead in Alara’s sketchbook, Alexius looked stunned, Calpernia gasped, Fiona stood dumbstruck and Barris…was horrified. (He looked like he lost all hope in that moment.)

 

\---

 

I left Josh with the group to sort out the measures to ally with them when I saw Cassandra and Daniel push through the crowd with Leliana and Varric following close behind her. The spymaster looked horrified as she darted past Cassandra and touched my cheek. Varric’s mouth fell open when I pulled my cloak away to reveal the crystals on my arm.

“Cullen…What happened to you?”

“Not important.” I muttered as I led them towards the ballroom and pointed to Josh and the others. “Look, I have information for you and you will not like it.”

“Ser Rutherford? I am…”

“Cassandra Pentaghast, Right Hand of the Divine…invoker of the Inquisition. Yes, And you are Varric Tethras, author of several books of most recently, All This Shit Is Weird.”

“How do you know of the Inquisition?!”

“I know much.”

The group in front of me stood utterly in awe as I looked at Daniel and we both broke into a laugh.

I again explained what I could, Varric took notes as I spoke and the Hands of the Divine looked at each other in worry as I told them of the Elder One and the Breach. I moved over to Josh to get the sketchbook and the looks of horror on their faces once they saw what happened to the world was…telling. Cassandra nodded to me and spoke solemnly.

“I got your letter from Rylen…I admit, I was confused but now it makes sense.” The warrior sighed as she gave me a concerned look. “If we aim to help you, please tell me what has caused your body and your…transformation to this…this…”

“Red Lyrium, Seeker.” Varric interjected and I nodded.

“I was trying to break my addiction to lyrium but Samson- a rogue templar working for the Elder One forced Red Lyrium on me. As you can see…it is quite damaging.” I pulled out a leather bound book from my satchel and handed it to the Seeker. “This is the secrets of your order. It is quite damning but with time the Seekers can be rebuilt into a hand that guides the faithful.”

Cassandra scurried off to a quiet part of the mansion and Leliana regarded me sadly.

“I have agents who can help you find a way to…perhaps cure…”

“No. I need you to do something else.” I waved her off and pointed to Alexius. “That man and his apprentice have developed time magic, the only reason he works for the Elder One is because his son is dying from blight sickness. I want you to find Neria Surana and ask her to make Felix Alexius a Grey Warden.”

Leliana nodded and raced off into the streets without question in search of Argent. (Thank goodness.)

“Hawke is delayed in Wycome...but what about me?” Varric pointed to himself and his crossbow. “Bianca and I are ready to help if we can.”

“I need you to contact Bianca Davri. Arrange a meeting with her as soon as possible.”

“How do you…” Varric smirked slightly and winked at me with a slight chuckle. “Oh right…future knowledge and shit. And here I thought you were lying, Curly.”

“I wish I was lying about all this…” I admitted with a shrug and Varric smiled at me as I spoke. “I just…I want the world to be safe.”

“You sound like a hero.”

“I am not. I am just a man, in love and hopeful that he will succeed this time.”

“Still a hero.” Varric tittered as he disappeared into the crowd and I saw Josh wave to me as the group in front of him dispersed.

“Calpernia is going to Orlais with Alara, Blackwall and Vivienne. Fiona and Barris have agreed to stop fighting for now; my family has resources enough for the templars and mages. I will speak to Evelyn and her father about bolstering lyrium supply lines for both sides.”

“Good. I’ve spoken with Leliana, she’ll find Neria and we’ll have Alexius soon with us. That leaves the source of the red lyrium, the nightmare and…the situation in Orlais.”

“Forget that for a moment…” Josh pulled me over to a nearby daybed and looked at me sadly as he cupped my cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“Pain all over but I’m used it. I hear the song but it is distant. I feel like I want puke blood every few minutes but the feeling passes as soon as it arrives.” I smiled at him slightly and he returned it with an unconvinced look. “All in all, I feel fine.”

“Oh Cul-“

I stopped him mid-sentence with a kiss. I closed my eyes as I pulled him closer to me and deepened the kiss by cradling his neck with my hand. His tongue fought mine, but he was unsuccessful as I nipped at his tongue- he pulled away with a flustered look as he shook his head.

“I…don’t know why, but I like the idea of you biting me.”

“Alright, I’ll bite you. Where do you wish to be bitten, Lord Trevelyan?”

 “Ugh…my wife wishes to speak to you, Joshua.” We heard an exasperated sigh as I turned to my left and saw a dapper old gentleman with graying, blonde hair and bright green eyes. He cleared his throat and I noticed Josh go completely rigid under his watchful gaze. He then turned to me with an amused look as Josh ran upstairs. “Bite him when you’re not in earshot of Aurelia. I am Ser Callum Trevelyan, Teyrn of Ostwick.”

I stood up and straightened up my appearance as best I could but the older man chuckled to himself.

“Relax young man; I can see that you have been through much. Alara speaks well of you and Maxwell- he likes you for my son. So tell me- who do I have the honor of addressing?”

“Knight-Commander Cullen Stanton Rutherford, at your service my lord.” I bowed as the man took the seat where Josh sat and asked me to sit beside him. I obliged.

“A Knight-Commander? My son is lucky indeed.”

“Excuse me, but why are you so laid-back about this? He’s…uh…he thinks you hate him for who he is.” I asked without bothering to hide my aversion and the older man pointed upstairs then to Maxwell who stood outside with the Inner Circle.

“Joshua is a soft child. He sees goodness everywhere and he expects the world to be soft as well- caring and gentle, he can bring life to a dying flower or befriend the most rowdy of people. Did you know his first love, Ser Jason? He was a mage-hater. But then he met Joshua on the day of his Harrowing and the two of them were inseparable until…” The older man cringed as he pointed to Evelyn. I nodded in understanding. “Eve didn’t want to do it, you see- Aurelia rules with an iron fist. It was not all bad mind you, but she rather hates it when things do not go her way. Everything must be just right in her eyes and Jason was not for her son. She got rid of him.”

“Why do you take her nonsense?”

“I love her and I will be frank- she is the master orator. She turned the Trevelyan name into a name that is feared and respected. Even the Orlesians respect us despite the fact that the Free Marches are considered quaint by them though- I am the brains behind her words. Together, we rule Ostwick.” The Teyrn smiled sadly. “My son needs to toughen up. Being the First Enchanter of the Ostwick Circle has helped him but he needs to learn that life is dangerous. He cannot walk about the roses and expect not to get pricked when he attempts to pick one.”

“I didn’t think of it that way…”

“How did the two you of you meet? Your Seeker friend told me of the Conclave and this Elder One but nothing else.”

“I…uh…” I blushed as he looked at me a determined look. “When the Breach opened, Josh opted to find the missing scouts for Sister Leliana. We ended up meeting once the whole ordeal was over at a war meeting. He hummed and hawed once he saw me. It was awfully funny.”

“Oh yes, he did that often.”

I let out a small chuckle and spoke at length with Josh’s foster father. He seemed like a nice enough man, I understood his worry for Josh…he had a habit of falling into situations- and getting too empathetic about things or people.

Josh returned after about an hour- I had to run for the bathhouse a few times in false alarm as I felt the bile build up in my chest so he nearly missed me. He followed me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I felt the sickening feeling recede as I leaned over a basin, just in case I felt the urge return.

“Mother…wants to meet with you in private.”

“What?” I managed to croak as I broke into a coughing fit. Josh slipped his hand onto my back and into the small gap between my armor, I let out a small sigh as he removed my cuirass and left on the undershirt as he massaged my back. It felt blissful. “What does she want with me?”

“I don’t know. She’s decided to spread out the mage’s and templars throughout the Free Marches. The other leaders have already agreed to have them as guests of the Free Marches. I’m going to dissolve my circle and they will join the new group in the Free Marches. The Prince of Starkhaven is having a fit but Moth assures me she has him in her pocket.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.” I sighed and the Knight-Enchanter kissed at my neck. I let out a low moan as he licked at the flesh with a cold tongue. “You do realize that she’s waiting for me, right?”

“I know.”

“I should see her then.”

Josh gave me a sad look as his eyes widened and he regarded me with a rather cute expression on his face- almost like a mabari begging its owner for some attention. I had to resist the urge to kiss him as he pulled away and told me to meet him outside after the meeting with his mother. He was off to see Jason and Dorian. Apparently the altus took a liking to Jason and…he wanted permission to pursue the templar from Josh. (That’s…actually very respectful of him.)

I trudged up the stairs and was promptly met by the butler; he guided me to the lady of the house’s tea room overlooking the gardens. She offered me a seat beside her and grinned as she turned to me with a thoughtful expression. She took a single sip of her tea and then grabbed at my chin then lifted it, her nails biting slightly into my neck as she looked me up and down.

“My my, you are a handsome one aren’t you? Even when under the weather.”

“I…am?”

“Indeed. More handsome than Jason- Fierce! Yes…this- This is good.” She smiled to herself and let go of my chin. She pointed out to the gardens as her servants tended to it, harvesting and maintaining the beauty of the estate. “What do you think of the estate my dear?”

“It is lovely, Teyrna Trevelyan.”

“I shall be brief my dear.” The woman smiled as she waved down her butler and he approached with a cup of tea for me. I took it happily and relished in the taste of the honey and ginger tea. “My son cannot like men. It is simple- however the world, you say- is on the brink and I think you are a man of honor.”

“You cannot ask me not to love him, I…”

“Let me finish, my dear.” Aurelia chuckled as she fanned at her chest with an ornate fan. She looked at me directly and nodded. “I…accept his love for you.”

“You…what now?”

“The world is ending, my dear. My son deserves happiness- I disowned him because I felt dismayed and hoped that he would change his ways and come back to me but…” The noblewoman sighed deeply and I saw a single tear fall from her eyes as she wiped it away, as quickly as it fell. She then smiled at me and for once, the smile was warm- genuine even. “’Modest in temper, bold in deed.’ Joshua is my son and I am…happy he has you in his life.”

“I don’t know what to say, my lady.” I was stunned. The woman was an utter bitch the first time I met her, the second time I refused to forgive her for what she had done to Josh and all of a sudden…she’s affectionate, not icy at all.

“Don’t say anything. Look after him. Love him. He didn’t come out from his Harrowing with physical scars but I could see he was different- perhaps scarred mentally or emotionally. Lydia limited my contact with him, understandably.”

“Why don’t you show him your affection?”

“If I showed him affection, he would become soft. He needs a firm hand to guide him. To strengthen his resolve. From what I understand, you wish to stop this Elder One, no?”

I nodded with a sad look but the woman grinned. (This woman is confusing me.)

“I have resources- agents in the field or court, soldiers to fight, an unending pail of gold. I can ensure your group is well financed and supported: The Bull’s Chargers are reliable and their leader Iron Bull is extremely good at his job. We also have the Cousland’s under our wing as well- with their combat experts and soldiers, your troops will be able to fight more efficiently thanks to my husband’s sound tactics and best yet- you will have every Trevelyan’s aid, even those in Tevinter. With but a signed note sent by my pigeon, you will have an army ready to assemble when you wish it. My only condition is that you uphold my icy demeanor towards my son. He need not know that I am…in favor of him.”

“You’re a…really nice person, Madame Aurelia.”

“You’re the first person to tell me that, my dear. Most people want to run away crying. They call me ‘The Queen of Winter’ in the Free Marches courts with reason, it would seem.”

My chat with Aurelia was quite uplifting, so much so that Josh asked me why I was so chipper when I met him in the gardens as a light drizzle began, most of the templars and mages had been assigned quarters within the Circle or at several Trevelyan owned establishments at Callum’s behest and the Inner Circle boarded at the tavern. It was just us and Sera, running about the estate with Jason, throwing the servants with pies.

“I’m happy that I’m out of the dragon’s den and with ma fen.”

“Wolf?” Josh gave me a worried look and I shook my head. 

“Your relation to the Witch of the Wilds gives you the ability to shapeshift naturally.” I ended up being pulled towards a domed niche and pinned against one of the pillars as Josh kissed at my ear then my neck. “The first form you mastered was the wolf, then the raven.”

“Well…this wolf wants you, vherain.”

“Not yet.”

“When?” Josh pulled away with a sad look. “I mean…I understand but-“

“The day I take you, I want you to feel at your best and to give you my best- I want to pleasure you and make you feel like the only man in the world. I want us both to become undone by each other- in each other’s arms. I want to feel your heart quicken and I want to hear the urgency in your cries. I want to hold you as I enter you- to feel your touch as I show you how much I love you. I want you to writhe in my grasp when I pleasure you and to know that in my mind, I’m writhing as well. I want to take you over and over until we are both spent and even then- it will not be a drop in the ocean of how much I love you.”

“I…love you too.” Josh turned a shade of red that made me grin to myself. It was so sweet, the way he blushed. I wanted to take him right there and then but I stopped myself. He changed the subject before one of us lost control. “Before I forget; The Conclave must happen. We cannot stop it but it will happen on our terms. ”

“Why?”

“Alexius believes that it is an event horizon, a point of no return. Once it happens however, we can strike the Elder One…the only question would be to find his dragon, you said he invested a part of himself into it achieve quasi-immortality. You said I must stay away from the Conclave, so I could slay the beast while you slay the Elder One in his moment of weakness, we use the orb to seal the Breach and then we face Solas.”

“We still need to cement our deals with Tevinter. Alara and Leliana will make sure it happens, then we address the civil war in Orlais and then we kill a Nightmare demon.”

“Are you…up for the tasks ahead?”

“No, but I must endure- for you.”

“Oh Cullen…”

(Josh…I melt each time you say that.)


	6. Perseverance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well...shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Battleborn (Battlecry) by Two Steps From Hell.

Within a few days, Thedas was none the wiser to our machinations. Leliana confirmed it when Charter posed as a member of the Ben-Hassrath; even the bloody Qunari believed that the mages and templars merely met up in Ostwick to reignite the war in the Free Marches, but somewhat clandestine. Little did the world know that we were going to play them all- oh the fools.

The Inner Circle scattered about Ferelden and Orlais, each tackling different tasks with regard to our plan…Josh remained with me. I needed his touch to keep the Red at bay and to be honest- I enjoyed his company too much to simply let him gallivant about with the others. (Selfish but true.)

Calpernia defected from the Elder One’s side after her visit to the Temple of Dumat. She diverted her Venatori to misdirect the Elder One and Samson with false reports whilst ferreting out moles within our group. She proved most useful in the acquisition of Tevinter allies and she even managed to stop a shipment of Red Lyrium from the Emerald Graves with a group of her spellbinders.

Vivienne traveled to Halamshiral with Cassandra and Sera after finding the information to get Calpernia onto our side. They managed to infiltrate the court and steal the pendant Josh used to reunite Empress Celene and her lover, Briala- they returned to each other’s side with much coercing from Vivienne and a few letters from Aurelia. With some pressure from the Imperial Court Mage, the Seekers and a few Red Jennies, Celene managed to oust Gaspard with as little effort as possible. Poor Florianne, she cried her tears but Celene was unmoved. She left the foul woman to Briala’s mercy. The elf turned her into a court jester, Sera was quite entertained by the idea.

I got to meet with Bianca Davri. She was rather…fun. She threatened to feed me my own eyeballs a few times but I understood where she came from. Varric was in a lot of danger helping us out. With the dwarves help, The Iron Bull and his Chargers were able to seal off some Deep Roads tunnels leading to the primeval thaig. Apparently, Dalish and Rocky did some weird shit and the place just went BOOM! (No one was hurt luckily)…it wasn’t quite Gaatlok but it got the job done. I also managed to get Bull to defect from the Ben-Hassrath. He was uncertain at first but once I befriended him (Again…) and showed him what would come to pass, he all but publically denounced his people and provided us with information we could use.

On the Dorian front, the mage managed to bed both Jason and Bull, sometimes both at the same time. While I was in awe of their virility, I was not happy to keep walking in on them. Josh did it a few times as well and it made ma fen quite...worked up. I often got him off but he…wanted more. It didn’t seem like I was going to recover anytime soon so I promised him at after a week, if I didn’t recover from the Red, I’d bed him but only if he still wanted it. Naturally, Josh grinned ear to ear at his victory. (I could never deny him. At least not for too long- I am a man with needs as well.)

The Hero of Ferelden met with me, Alexius, Josh and Felix. The dying mage was inducted into the Grey Wardens and he survived the Joining. Neria took the mage with her (we warned her that if she heard the Callling, it was probably the false Calling and not the True Calling, she seemed to understand) and Alexius looked relieved as he helped to secure his research on Time Magic with Calpernia and Dorian’s help.

I managed to track down Arlene, Belle and Devon. They were still very young though so I entrusted them to Vivienne’s care. Madame Vivienne inducted them into the Knight-Enchanter order with occasional input from Josh. I kept a close eye on the trio to make sure their education went by as smoothly as possible. Had a few scares from Arlene after she killed a templar she had a scuffle with, it turned out that she killed an agent of the Ben-Hassrath, one of Viddasala’s underlings. (Arlene- when will you learn to reason before you jump headlong into danger?)

Hawke and Bethany looked horrified when they saw me but warmed up to me and Josh with relative ease. I explained what I could and they pledged themselves to the cause. Garrett opted to see Anders and Fenris, whilst calling the others to Kirkwall with Varric’s aid. 

The Couslands offered their aid after a few meetings with the Trevelyans and themselves in Ostwick. Fergus and Elissa led from the front while Aedan kept to the rear, helping his archers and saboteurs to take control of the battlefield at a moment’s notice. Aurelia was true to her word, one letter and we had an underground army assembled to take on the Elder One. For the moment, all was dormant until the Conclave, several weeks away still. Justinia V wanted to meet with me but I denied her. I could not look her in the eye and tell her that her death (and many others) was necessary. 

I met with Lady Montilyet at Leliana’s behest. How the woman could put up with nobles boggled my mind but she was required. She managed to secure us the aid of Arcanist Dagna and a few dignitaries from all over Thedas. My knowledge of future events helped to cement partnerships with Nevarra and Antiva without quarreling with the other. 

Josh was impressed by our progress, but I still had to break the news to Cassandra and Leliana that Divine Justinia’s death was a requirement, as was the deaths of many mages and templars. (Sorry Senior Enchanter Lydia…) The Conclave had to happen no matter how anyone felt and Josh had to stay away from it. (You will never become His herald. Never.) 

 Calpernia managed to trick Erimond into meeting with her. Josh and I took him by surprise and left his interrogation to Dagna and Sera. The pair reignited their unlikely relationship and leapt at the opportunity to garner information from the magister. Apparently, Sera made some rude sketches and Dagna sang out Andraste’s Mabari, between their unspeakable efforts, Erimond was broken. He revealed that the Nightmare was already using its false calling and that the only way to hurt it would be directly in the Fade. I killed the foolish man because he was an asshole and frankly I didn’t want another Fade jaunt. (Nope. I don’t like it there at all.)

 

\---

 

Josh and I stayed at the Guislain estate for a short respite, awaiting feedback from the Friends of Red Jenny and the Antivan Crows with regards to possible recruits to bolster our information network to Seheron and potentially, Par Vollen. Josh took it upon himself to spar with me in the Fade to avoid breaking things while we fought.

I was in a field covered in flowers, conjured up by Josh’s mind. He was determined to have me master vhenan-ise and he believed that fighting each other in the Fade with Hope and Valor watching over us respectively would help us to face the Nightmare when the time came. (At least this place doesn’t look like the Fade.)

“Look out, vherain!” Josh chuckled as he darted forward with his spirit blade but I reacted just in time to bash him backward. He tried to circle me- I saw his move for a quick slash but I deflected the blow with my shield and swept him off his feet with my foot. He let out a small yelp as I leapt on top of him and kissed at his neck and the spirits watching chuckled. Hope sighed and Valor snorted as Josh sent them a wink.

“You didn’t use the magic I borrowed you.” Valor shook his head and Hope let out a chuckle.

“It’s not like he needed it.”

“Perhaps not, but the Nightmare has been growing at an alarming rate. It feeds off the fears of mortals and Fear is the oldest and most common emotion found. He needs to master the magic if he wishes to-”

“I agree but at the same time, we spirits could try to counteract it- ward it off somehow…” Hope trailed off as she pulled Valor away with a look of concern towards the white wolf surveying the perimeter.

“Is that even possible?” I asked with a disbelieving look. Josh shrugged.

“Spirits come together where ideas and emotions are born. They take it up and they become it. It is possible for likeminded spirits to congregate together to share their thoughts and ideas, sometimes this creates new ideas, other times it merely reinforces the spirit’s idea.” Josh explained as he ran his fingers through my hair and I delighted in the feeling. He then traced my temples with his fingers as I leaned over him and grinned. “Oh Cullen, how can one man be so handsome?”

“You think I’m handsome do you?” I simpered and he flushed.

“V-Very handsome! Some might say too handsome!”

“Okay…how am I handsome?”

“You’re joking. You don’t know?” The mage asked incredulously as I got off him and we settled flat amongst the flowers, side by side, his head on my shoulder- his subtle breaths tickling my neck as I lifted to look at the white wolf watching from a distance, chasing off any demons trying to approach.

“I…have been told many times that I’m handsome. It would be nice to know what makes me so…handsome for once.”

“A-Alright.” Josh pulled away and straddled me, his eyes hazy as he placed a hand on my cheek and smiled. “You have a very…appealing look about you. It’s…chivalrous.”

“Go on.”

He moved his fingers to my hair and he chuckled as he stroked it, I let out a slight purr at his touch to which he kissed my cheek.

“Your hair is like spun gold. I want to see its color, to smell the fragrance and feel it between my fingers. It is like a mane, I see it and know you are a lion. The lion I love.”

“Go on.” I kissed his free hand and he moved the other hand to the tip of my nose.

“This is the nose of the man I love- a nose both pleasing to look at and irritating for the number of times I’ve bumped into it while kissing you. I don’t mind it; it reminds me that we are really together.”

“You doubt my presence?”

“Yes. I have to keep reminding myself I am not dreaming- I really am in your arms. I really am kissing you. You really are going to fuck me until I forget my own name.”

“I…didn’t mean it like that…”

“I know. But when you’re taking me, the only person on my mind will be you, so in a way I will forget my own name.” Josh leered at me as he brought his fingers to my cheek and kissed at the space between my eyes. “These are eyes I love and adore with every fiber of my being. Once they were honey, now a frightening blood red with the rarer browns. Where others found fear, I found love. I look into your eyes and I am fixated in place as I imagine all the things you might do to me. I am a grown man and somehow I relish in the idea of you holding me down and roughly claiming me.”

“You would like to be dominated.” I said with a small smile. He nodded and looked away, but I had none of it. I pulled him close and he gasped when I had him in my arms, chest to chest, heart to heart.

“I like the idea of you having your way with me.”

“Why does it sound like you’ve had a fantasy of a templar taking you before?”

“I did once. With Jason. I…” Josh blushed and pulled away with an ashamed look. “I was a teenager and I was…curious. Of course, it never happened but it does make me restless to think about it- about you holding my hands fast as you take me from behind, over a desk, against a wall…Maker’s ass, I am burning for you right now.”

I turned his cheek and kissed at his neck, he let out a gasp as I ran a hot tongue against his tender flesh.

“I will take you however you like; I will never hurt you intentionally. You are mine and I am yours.”

“And that is what I love about you. You’re so brazen and strong. You could throw me down and claim me as yours, but there’s this gentleness to you- in everything you do.”

“It’s because I love you- everything about you. What else do you love about me?”

He brought his lips to mine and I was disappointed when he simply pecked at it, he then licked at my scar with a naughty look and pulled away with a huge grin.

“I love your lips. The way it moves when you speak, the pleasant taste your lips and tongue have and the way your scar curves when you grin at me. I especially love the sounds you make as we pleasure each other, a low sound- fierce but oh so beautiful to hear. It is love incarnate. I am undone by your husky voice.”

“It’s good to know that you like how I look. The Red…it changes you.”

“Does it bother you?”

“Of course it does. I am afraid I might become a monster and that you would be disgusted by me.”

“Can I be completely honest?” Josh gave me a serious look as he settled down beside me. I nodded to him; he had a very thoughtful expression. “I find your pain…alluring.”

“Alluring?”

“Please don’t think ill of me to say this but Maker you are sexy when you’re hurt.”

“Sexy when hurt?” I asked awkwardly as I raised a blonde brow. The mage let out a frustrated sigh as he kissed at my hand, the one with the crystals growing out of it. 

“I…don’t like you getting hurt- I don’t like what the Red is doing to you but for some insane reason, my mind finds it utterly sexy when I see you in pain. I think it’s the way you carry yourself, in pain but persevering against the odds- and winning mind you.”

“I think I understand.” I nodded with a loud chuckle as Josh grabbed onto my arm and leaned onto me. I reciprocated the motion and he kissed my neck. For a moment, my mind snapped about for the two spirits who have been silent for a few minutes. “Where’s Hope and Valor? We got so caught up in our chat; I forgot that we were supposed to spar.” 

“Left to give us privacy. The wolf is about but we are alone for the moment.” Josh then moved to straddle me again and smiled enigmatically as he traced my hairline with a finger, giggling to himself. “We could spar another way…It has been long enough, I imagine.”

“Oh?” I grinned as the mage let the dream end and we woke up, beside each other, fully armored. The mage pulled himself from the daybed and moved to close the curtains. He then lit a few candles as I moved to the basin and looked into the golden mirror. My skin was no longer the deathly pale it was a few weeks back but the Red was still inside me. When I returned to him, I pulled at his armor but he gave me a good finger wagging as he pushed me away. “I uh…did I do something wrong?”

“No. I just…don’t touch me yet. I want…to undress you. Only I can remove your clothes, you cannot touch me intimately until I am done pleasuring you.”

“I…what now?” I asked in a semi-confused look. The mage tittered as he approached me and began to fumble with my armor’s buckles. I moved to help him but he chilled me with a blast of ice each time I moved against his will so I remained still as he went to work.

First came off my cuirass; he placed it on the stand beside the armoire and slid his hands under my shirt, rubbing his fingers against my toned chest. A few times he rolled my nipples between his fingers and I let out a moan that made the mage flush as heat rose inside me and rushed south.

Then came off my pauldrons, gauntlet and cotton shirt; the cold air and Josh’s previous ministrations had made my nipples point daggers. He rubbed his hands over my skin and pressed himself feverishly as he grinded against me slowly. His hands were everywhere, at my chest, my back, the crook of my neck but then the icy kisses began. Every few seconds, Josh would kiss at a random spot with ice on his lips and I would buck forward as his tongue, warm and sticky, ran over the frozen flesh to defrost it almost instantly.

Josh gave me a lecherous look as he helped me to remove my cuisses and greaves. He then worked on the ties of my pants and pulled it down painfully slow as my cock strained against the tightness of my smalls. He licked his lips as he moved for the smalls and pulled them down, he bashfully giggled as he pulled away to size me up.

“Do you like what you see?” I asked as I felt cheeks catch ablaze. His eyes roamed my body and settled on my hardness, he let out a faint murmur as he approached, slipping down between my legs and then I felt it- a cold hand touched my cock and it hardened further at his frigid touch.

“Oh Knight-Commander, I have been a bad, bad First Enchanter. I will sharpen your sword for you, Ser Rutherford.” Josh slurred as he began a slow pump with his fist and gazed up at me innocently. “Ser Cullen, I am your humble mage- ready to serve as you see fit.”

“Maker’s breath…” I managed to rasp as Josh licked at the tip and took me into his warm mouth, his cold fingers contradicting the heat his mouth radiated.

Josh started a slow bob as he ran his tongue over my length, starting from the tip then slowly edging more and more of me into his hungry mouth as I moaned out loud. The mage giggled as he pulled away from my cock and began to spread his spittle over my throbbing need, his eyes fixed on mine.

“K-Knight-Commander…” The mage managed to stammer as he kissed at the length, I threw my head back at the feeling of his lips against my cock. His lips were soft like silk and slipped over my tip but soon retracted. I looked at him again and saw him smile devilishly. “Oh my…what a striking sword you wield!”

“Josh…”

The mage froze my chest briefly with ice, making me buck into his grasp as he worked my cock with a hand greased up with pre dribbling from my tip. He shot me a coy look and shook his head.

“First Enchanter…” I hissed as the ice defrosted and the mage returned to plunge the cock into his mouth with a small, smug nod. (Bastard.) He began a spiral motion with his fingers and his tongue as he quickened his bobbing head. I felt my loins heat up unbearably as I cried out loud, my cock shooting a wave of cum down Josh’s throat. The Knight-Enchanter swallowed eagerly as he pulled away from my softening length with a slight pop and gave me a sheepish look.

I kneeled to kiss him but in that moment I felt my whole body go rigid, my stomach retched as I pushed pass the mage, who shouted in concern as I moved to the basin and began to vomit blood and small shards of the Red. My eyes watered as I let out a pathetic yelp and felt the Red spread- it curled about my body, growing quick as it ripped through flesh. I let out a barely audible scream as Josh touched my back, his fingers tracing the crystals forming, white-fire engulfing my senses and my left hand as I roared out loud, I turned to my left and saw my hand- no longer human …but a claw. (I…feel strange. All I know is that I must take you, Josh. I must…)

The mage let out a loud gasp as I pushed him away then pounced at him roughly, claiming his lips with my own. The kiss tasted of blood but I did not care. I pushed him against the wall and he mewled noisily as I kissed at his neck then bit down to mar his perfect neck. The mage let out a series of muffled cries as I engulfed his mouth with my own, the taste of honey and our blood lingering as our tongues fought. He tried to push me away to remove his armor, but I held him tight. He moved to fade cloak but I drained his mana slowly, his eyes dilated as the mana dissipated and he felt my throbbing member at his hips.

“You have done a very good job of sharpening my blade but I regret to inform you that your punishment is not over!” I began to rip at his armor, pulling apart the pieces as they clattered to the ground in a mess, the mage gave me a bashful look as I ripped his clothes off, then his smalls- His cock raging against my own as I yanked at his hair and he gave me a submissive yet fiery look. “I require a scabbard for my blade. I reckon you will do nicely, First Enchanter.”

“Oh…Knight-Commander Cullen!” Josh purred as I turned him around and pinned him to the wall, I slid down my fingers to his taut ass and smiled when the mage opened his legs to reveal the ring of muscle I was looking for. I brought my hand to his and he gave me a curious look.

“Cast your Grease spell, First Enchanter. You don’t want to get cut now, do you?”

“Grease?” Josh looked at me with a confused look until it dawned on him what I was going to do. He flushed profusely as he intoned his spell and I felt the sticky substance land on my hand. I shook my head comically as I coated his ring of muscle with the lubricant and eased a single finger inside. “Ohhh…fuck, Knight-Commander...” (You like that Josh? You love it, don’t you?)

The mage bucked forward into the wall and let out a delightful gasp as he began to ride my finger. At his request, I added another finger and he moaned loudly as I worked him open, then I added a third finger and that was when the Knight-Enchanter nodded to me enthusiastically after a few seconds of stretching him out. (Oh Maker…)

“Oh Cullen! I have been a bad mage! Punish me, please!” Josh wiggled his hips suggestively as I pulled out my fingers. I bit my lip as I turned him around and pointed to my cock. The mage at first moved to kiss it but I stopped him a growl and pointed to my sticky hand. He reapplied Grease awkwardly, I then stroked my member, making sure it was covered completely in the lubricant as I backed him up against the wall, his arms pinned to the wall by my Red claw (Weirdly enough, it hurt when he touched it but the Red did not fall away…) as I eased up his legs and guided them to my hips. He coiled around me and I secured him in place as I moved to sandwich him against the wall. My cock teased at his ass it slid past his entrance until I lined it up with him and gritted my teeth. “Take me! Cullen please…take me!”

“As you wish, First Enchanter!” I pushed my tip into him and had to grind my teeth together to stifle the moan coming out of my mouth. Maker he was tight! The mage had a rapturous look as I pulled out and eased more flesh into him, his walls pushed hard as I eased myself out again. The mage grew red as I thrust into him to the hilt, this time with a snarl as his body conformed to my fullness as I stopped moving and kissed his neck, trying to block out the urge to ram into him like a mabari in heat. “Are you alright?”

“Yes…Maker…Yes!” Josh chuckled with a smile as he began to bob up and down as he tried to move and break free from my vice grip. I nodded him as he tightened his hold with his legs and I took hold of his arms. I spread them out on either side of his head and beamed when the Knight-Enchanter gasped as I began a slow thrust. Josh’s cock was hard and flushed against our bodies, the feeling of his pre coated member sliding against my skin made it hard to move coherently.

“Do you like being impaled on my blade, First Enchanter?” I growled as I quickened my thrusts and hit his prostate again. The mage tried to speak but all that came out was a breathy sigh as he tightened his legs around me. “I won’t repeat myself then, do not speak.”

“I…I…” Josh began as I thrust hard and fast into his hot tunnel, his walls clenched around me as I rammed into him, merciless as I followed the song. I wanted him, the song hated him, and the Red hated him- by I wanted him so badly. I pulled out with a flippant scoff as the mage looked at me in disbelief as I pulled him into a torrid kiss and bit at his tongue, earning a moan from Josh as he smiled slightly, afraid but his eyes filled with lust. “Maker…I like this side of you-.”

“Did I say you could speak?” I gripped at his neck and pulled him towards the bed. I held him hard enough to leave a mark but not too hard to choke him, he let out a muffled “Fuck” as I pushed him down to the bed and settled behind him, my eyes burned as I saw his toned back, his muscular ass and his hole waiting to be filled as he wriggled about his cheeks, a small streak of grease leaked down to the bed from his ass, soiling the pristine sheets of Madame de Fer’s guestroom, but I did not give a fuck. 

“You are mine.” I smacked his ass, leaving a red welt as I positioned myself behind him and pushed down his back to make him arch into my cock. The sound he made once I was inside him was just priceless. I began to thrust slowly until I was sure his walls grew used to my intrusion again. Josh then cried out as I fucked him hard. He gritted his teeth and pulled at the sheets like a madman, saying my name as if it was a mantra etched into his head.

“Oh my…” The mage gasped as he pushed at me from the inside. I savored the feeling of how Josh’s walls clung to me, as if trying to stop me from pulling out. I let out a small titter at the notion. 

“What a nice sheath, tight…so protective of my blade.”

“Yes…”

”Shut up.” I slapped his ass again, this time harder. The mage bucked forward, allowing me pull him and slam into him with full force. I let out a chuckle as Josh moaned loudly as I rode him hard. I saw him quiver slightly when I raked at his back and brought my claw to his cock, garnering a howl as he tried to cum but couldn’t as I tightened my hold around the shaft and tip. The mage looked at me with a desperate glance as he bucked towards me and cried out in pain as his balls overflowed with spunk. “You want to cum?”

“Yes! Please!” Josh stammered as I kissed at his spine. I eased my grip slightly between thrusts allowing him to shoot his spunk on the sheets, but soon tightened my grip to stop him. He cussed out in anger as I kissed his neck and drove my cock deeper into him, hitting his prostate several times. Josh gasped as I finally let go and he came hard as I continued to ravage him. I finally stopped thrusting once the mage stopped spurting his cum, his eyes closed in bliss as he dropped flat with a worried look. “You didn’t finish, did you?”

I shook my head with a small growl as the mage kissed my cheek and pushed me flat to the bed as he straddled my hips and trained my blade for his sheath.

“Oh Cullen...” The mage chuckled as he slid down and took me inside him, a small moan reached my lips the mage started a slow lift and I greeted him halfway with a thrust and smoky eyes as he quickened his pace. “I am yours.”

“I am yours as well.’ I managed to say as I lifted him off my cock and repositioned so that he was in my arms and I resumed my thrusts and began to fuck him relentlessly. As I felt my climax near, I slowed down and smiled to the mage, whose eyes bolted open the moment I spoke. “Marry me.” (No! You fool! Not now!)

‘W-What!?” The mage clenched down on my cock and I let go, wave after wave of cum filled him as I cried out in ecstasy. Josh hugged at my chest as I continued to pump into him until I rode the final waves of pleasure and saw the mage give me an icy look as my claw stroked at his hair. “Yes.”

I cocked my head in confusion as he lay on top of me with a small grin; he traced my scar with his tongue with a pleased look.

“Yes what?”

“Yes, I will marry you.”

(Wait…what now?)

“Huh?”

“Ugh- I said yes.” Josh furrowed his brow and chortled at what I assumed was the look of utter shock and happiness in my face as I froze in place. He then licked at my scar. “I will walk the vir‘vhenan’ara with you.”

(…YES! HE SAID YES!)


	7. Broken Window

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I learned to doubt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Salvation (Classics vol. 2) by Two Steps From Hell.

We ended up spending a second week at the Guislain Estate. It seemed that my efforts with Josh left him rather…um- tired and a bit stiff. He walked with a limp for the whole week and I felt really bad about it. I didn’t mean for things to get too rough but I was pleasantly surprised when he accepted my proposal.

I really wasn’t expecting that. It was a spur of the moment thing and I just said it. I wanted it to be a romantic moment and I blew it- but Josh didn’t seem to care. He wore my mother’s ring with pride as he showed it off to Vivienne and Bethany, both chuckled as Josh grinned ear to ear, limping after the Champion’s sister while Vivienne saw to Bastien. She had a knowing look as she grinned at me once she saw me that morning in the training yard. (Crap. She knows.)

I vowed that I would treat Josh to a romantic day out once he recovered. The sex was great and we both enjoyed it but it was but a single part of our love and I needed to show him in more ways than just fucking him senseless that I loved him. Sera looked utterly ecstatic when I asked her and Dagna to help.

“So…you did him right? Good on you Lionheart!” She beamed as we retreated to my room; Josh was out with Bethany so it would just be me, the arcanist and the prankster. She rubbed her hands together as she sat on the untouched sheets and bounced a bit as she and her lover exchanged a gleeful look and giggled.”I mean sure, screw around and do him all you like. It’s all good innit?”

“I…yes?”

“Don’t act all stupid. We heard you. We all did. No one wants to bring it up, yeah? Understandable- Wolfy likes to shout out doesn’t he? And you’re quite the Commander in bed, aren’t you Curly-Wurly?”

Dagna began to chuckle to herself as I felt my cheeks catch on fire. Sera winked at me mischievously.

“I need your help to woo him, not to screw him.”

“You know you did it the wrong way round right?”  Dagna asked and I nodded to her. She smiled as she thought to herself briefly and whispered into Sera’s ears, the elf immediately began to bounce up and down and she had her ‘I am going to cause trouble’ look. She then smiled at me.

“Take him to Val Royeaux, Lionheart. Widdles and I have a plan but we’ll need help as well. Ooh my friends could help. This will be grand!”

“I want to know about-“

“Shh!” Sera tittered as she raced out of the room with Dagna. “Take him to the city when I tell you to Cullen-Wullen. No more questions! I’ll send you a red sock when we’re ready!”

I let out a small sigh as I pulled on my cloak and left for the wilderness before Josh returned from Val Royeaux. People were still on edge around my newly formed claw but Josh seemed to like it. He cooed into my touch as it would stroke his hairline, the sharp edges threatening to tear at his flesh but he trusted me not to. I opted to cover it with my cloak and I sat outside the estate in the forest as birdsong filled the air.

I enjoyed the peace. I was tempted to call out to my owl or my bear but I knew better. Red lyrium corrupts the living, especially animals. I didn’t want to endanger them and I didn’t want to sit all day in the estate so I explored the countryside with my sword at my hip and my claw as my shield. My shield was too small to hold- my arm was covered in protrusions of crystal that could harden to take several blows. Josh mused over the fact that I could control the Red somewhat- change the song, tighten and loosen the sounds so the claw could harden at will to shield me from blows. So far it has proven useful and Josh was okay with it, so it was a win-win in a way but it made everyday chores hard. (Not to mention the intimate tasks…)

I settled under a tree, making sure not to disturb any wildlife and I closed my eyes- then I ruminated over my current situation and what it meant for my future with Josh. The problem with me was the Red. As far as I knew, there was no cure (aside from Josh) and that removal of the Red would kill the host. I needed to live. I had to stop Corypheus and I had to change Solas’ mind about the world. He was a good person at heart but he was misguided. I needed to think of a way to convince him not to end the world- so for the moment, removing the Red was out of the question.

At first, I was blank but then my mind raced over to Alara. Josh called her “The one who knows His heart” and that made her viably the only one who could reason with him. I guessed Josh could do so to an extent as well, he managed to get the Dread Wolf to take Alara with him on the di’nanshiral. My mind lingered on what the “final journey” was until I fell into a deep slumber. (Is it death? Or worse?)

A crunch roused me from my sleep. I let out a small snarl as I jumped to my feet and drew my blade. I pushed Samson against the tree I was laying against. He gritted his teeth as I held him tight and I growled.

“You dare come to me Raleigh? After you did to me?!”

“Rutherford! Give me a chance to explain! Please!” The former templar cried as I brought my claw to his neck. He cringed as the tips traced his jugular.

“Give me one reason why I should listen to you, bastard.”

“The Red is killing them. You are the only one still alive and well.”

“What?” I released Samson and he nodded in thanks as he slumped down to the tree and look at me with eyes filled with despair and lassitude. I dropped to a knee and gave him a worried look as I watched him shiver despite the fact that it was blistering hot in the forest.

“Tell me everything, Raleigh.”

Samson explained to me how his plans at Therinfal were interrupted. He fled with his remaining knights and the Red lyrium casks. They fled to the wilderness and were promptly chastised by Corypheus- He killed the knights who failed and Samson barely managed to survive. He raced over to the Temple of Dumat and got Maddox before the remaining knights stationed there after Calpernia’s betrayal caught wind of his failure. For the moment, Maddox was safe. He pointed to a nearby shrub and I saw the tranquil look at me with worry as he hid. Samson then explained what happened next.

The ancient magister found the orb with his remaining forces but could not understand how to unleash its power. In an effort to gleam information about the orb, the Elder One had been trying to find elvhen ruins, but to no avail- he had been unsuccessful. He mostly found nothing of worth. (At least, to him)

It seemed that my efforts to hinder the Elder One finally bore fruit. With nothing else to do, he will have to go to the Conclave with the wardens, but even then- after we face Nightmare, his forces will be minimal and we will be able to strike at him, but only after the Breach has opened.

Samson then circled back to his torturing me and feeding me the Red.

“To put things into perspective Cullen, you’re not supposed to be alive, or least…not human.”

“You came all this way to tell me all this? After what you did to me, I should kill you.”

“I can help you stop Fen’Harel.”

That made me double take as I gripped at his hair and lifted his face to my own. I sneered as he closed his eyes in fear and let out a whimper as I gritted my teeth.

“What do you know of Fen’Harel?”

“I know that the orb is His and that it is His intention for my master to perish in the explosion. He told me himself.” The man droned with a dull grin as he nodded. “Solas was his name. He saved me and Maddox from the Elder One’s wrath. He sent me help.”

(Solas sent him? Why?)

“You’re not making any sense.” I let go of his hair and the former-templar sighed as he combed at his hair with his fingers. He left out another sigh and looked me straight in the eye.

“You want to stop Josh from becoming His Herald don’t you? I can help you. I know where you can face the Nightmare in the mean time.”

“Fine. Come with me to the Guislain estate. I will give you sanctuary for your information and you will meet with Josh personally.”

“So long as we’re alive and helping, I’m happy.” I offered him my hand and the former templar took it eagerly. He smiled at me and traced my claw with a sad look on his face as he waved to Maddox with his free hand and the tranquil approached with a small grin.  “I’m sorry, I did this to you.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“We were once friends. At times I depended on your honesty. I knew what I did was wrong…but I knew deep inside that you would stop me from becoming a monster like Meredith. And look what I have done to you. I am worse than her. I did this to you. I am sorry.”

“Why are you…”

“Raleigh is in love with you, Ser Cullen. He always was.” The tranquil droned and I gave Samson a dubious look. He nodded. (W-What?)

That caught me off guard. The former-templar gave me a pained look as he traced my human hand with his own.

“But I knew that you could never love me, not after everything that has happened. Not after what I did. Not after what I know of you and Josh. A lion and a wolf? Who would have thought?  And that is what I respect about you. You surpassed time itself to save him and everyone. How could I not love you for that?”

“If you love me, why did you do this to me?” I pointed to my claw and to my eyes. The former-templar closed his eyes and shook his head. I saw tears well up as he resisted the urge to cry.

“I don’t know. Envy maybe? I just know that I love who you are and I wish to the Maker that I was half the templar you were.” The man shrugged and I smiled at his honesty. This was the Samson I knew: sincere, goodhearted and brave, the man who helped Maddox. Not the sadist who changed me into…this.

“I will forgive you, but only if you promise me something.”

“Anything Rutherford. Anything- I will do anything to prove that I really am sorry.”

“Stop taking Lyrium.” The former templar gave me a confused look until I explained what I went through with the Inquisition: the shivers, the cold hands, the throbbing head, and the massive migraines that came out when you least expected it, then finally, an insatiable hunger inside. It would be tough, but Sam could do it. He could overcome it. “You say you love me- then prove it to me and the next man or woman who you will love with all your heart: Overcome lyrium.”

“I…”The man hesitated and shook his head but I placed my claw over his hand and grinned.

“If I could do it, you can too.”

“What about you?”

“I have Josh. He can rebuke it to an extent. I feel it coursing through my veins, it’s a part of me now- what remains to be seen is whether I survive it or not. What I do feel is that my survival is curious, especially after what you have told me. Maybe I might be able to use it as a weapon. The claw has been useful for…now.”

“Using the Elder One’s own gifts against him? That sounds mighty devilish of you, Rutherford.”

“I intend to stop the world from ending. I will use what I can to do so.” I nodded to him as I led Maddox and Samson to the estate. No one questioned me as I asked a room to be made up for them. Samson had a happy look as I took him to the quarters assigned to him and the tranquil and allowed him to wash up as I caught up with Bastien and explained the new situation.

 The older man looked quite healthy since Vivienne gave him the serum she created. Josh compared the effects of it time reversal, as if giving the man a few more years to live but truly no one but the Maker knew how long the man had left. He often traced my claw with his gaze but would smile as he thanked me for my assistance. I merely nodded and rejected his thanks. I told him to thank Vivienne. She may have been cold and bitchy but her love for Bastien was undeniable. She stood at his bed for long hours and took it upon herself to look after him even though he had family and servants to do so. (I respect that, Madame de Fer.)

Josh returned from Val Royeaux without Bethany. It seemed that she had some appointments to keep there; however, he was shadowed by Zevran. The former Crow was interested in helping after Neria got in contact with him. He managed to befriend Sera quite easily. It was quite disturbing how easily they clicked. The assassin remembered Dagna from the time of the Blight’s time. Needless to say, he was quite fascinated by their unlikely relationship.

The Knight-Enchanter tried to jump me after meeting with Samson and Maddox. (It was quite funny, actually.) He snuck into our room and leapt onto my back. I ended up straddling him on the bed but I desisted after pulling him into a fiery kiss. I then told Josh of Samson’s feelings for me and the mage was quite pleased with me.

“Quite the heartbreaker, aren’t you?”

 “I don’t want to be…” I shook my head with a slight winch. The mage chuckled as he traced my abs while sliding his hands under my shirt; I let out a small snarl as he intoned ice and made me buckle from his touch.

“I told you, ma vhenan. You are handsome and the most amazing man I know. How can people not love you?”

I shrugged and the Knight-Enchanter chortled.

“Let’s go over the plans to stop the Nightmare.” Josh straightened up as I spoke and sat up, looking at me expectantly. He had a playful smirk on his perfect face; I had to resist the urge to wipe it off his face with a few unchaste kisses.

 

\---

 

(Fenedhis lasa!)

“No! Please!” Josh begged with tears rolling down his cheeks. I scoffed as I slammed him against a wall and brought my claw to his neck.

“Shut up” I hissed as I closed my claw tight around his neck, his eyes closed as he fought against my blade-like fingers, he let out a gurgle as he stopped flailing and I threw his corpse to the ground and moved on before I could see the look on his face- dead.

It wasn’t him but it felt like I was killing him.

Nightmare was ingenious. He allowed us to enter his domain, a small stretch of land within the Fade that could be the size of a single room or could stretch out as far as the eye could see. Josh, Cole, Hope, Valor and I met with him after a ritual overseen by Alexius, Calpernia, Samson and Maddox in the Western Approach; we attempted to parley with it. Josh managed to stop it from entering our minds and scaring the shit out of us but the demon managed to split us up and pick at small details from my past to bother me, but I was unmoved.

The demon created Fearlings from my time in Kinloch hold, perfect copies of Neria, who would call out sweet nothings until I approached, and then suddenly she would scream out and turn into a Desire abomination wielding powerful blood magic, but not benign as the real Neria’s blood magic. Needless to say, I had to kill many of them while traversing the Fade. The Blood Circle was good for one thing: Templars were taught to fight blood mages by blood mages. I thanked the Maker as I ran through a few more Fake-Neria’s until I came across Josh- the Herald of Fen’Harel. I knew he wasn’t my soon to be partner. Joshua was somewhere else in the Fade. I noticed a light flickering in the distance but I was too far away to confirm if it was ma fen or not.

“How does it feel to know my predictions came true, Cullen?” The demon slurred as he began to circle me but I made sure to keep him in my line of sight. Nightmare wasn’t Envy or Desire, but he was fearsome in combat. To stop him the first time, it required a spirit- Hope. This time things were different. We had three spirits and better yet, I was pissed. I wanted out. (I hate it here!)

“I feel fine.” I smiled as I approached the demon. He intoned ice and tried to encase me in frost but I was too quick for him. I knew Josh’s movements like the back of my own hand. All it took was a quick step to his left and a fist to his jaw. The demon collapsed and melted into the shadows- almost like invisibility- but I knew Josh’s source of his shadow magicks.

It was Doubt- A spirit Josh met during his time with Solas. He showed Josh how to melt away into the shadows like a wraith. At a moment’s notice he would reappear and strike with deadly efficiency. I encountered Doubt quite a bit before following Josh to the Black City. He was vexing to say the least.

I moved on with Nightmare on my trail as I moved through the Fade. A few times, I deflected a spear to my chest; I was so used to Josh that I could tell when and where the demon would attack next. I caught sight of Hope being plagued by Fearlings. I used my templar abilities to dispel the Nightmare’s cloak and I managed to scare him off, for the moment.

 Hope stood with her arms clasped together in prayer held up to the green skies above, a globe of golden light separated her from the Fearlings trying to break her barrier. She gave me a thankful look as I made short work of the foolish demons. She slid to the ground in fatigue and smiled.

“Ma serannas, vherain.”

“Are you hurt?” I scanned about her body as I helped her to her feet and she gave me a warm look and shook her head.

“Oh da’len. Do not fret over me; I am not a fighter, vherain- but I can alert you if the Nightmare draws near. We must not fight. We must stay hidden-”

“What? We need to stop the bastard!”

“Cullen. Understand this: The Fearlings are the Nightmare’s eyes and ears. When you engage one in combat, he knows where you are in his realm. To overcome him, we must reach the others, but quietly for he grows in power with every moment we wait. He is drawing on the memory of you killing Josh- your fears…He is becoming as powerful as Josh was but gradually.”

“Is that even possible?”

“Very possible- He remembers Cullen. The Dread Wolf is here for His herald. He knows.” Hope murmured as she pointed to an island in the distance. We were far away, but I could see the light there, a bright light that looked like the sun for a brief moment until I realized that the light was moving, flickering as Josh melted in and out of perception. I gave the spirit a worried look and she merely grinned. “He is here to help. The Nightmare is powerful. Together we can stop it. Then he will leave.”

“Alright.” I nodded to her, but I remained somewhat worried. If Josh remembered everything, he knew what he did. I had to reach him, to stop him from doing it all again. I didn’t know what made Josh snap at the end of days. I needed to make sure he never snapped again. The only way was for him to remain at my side- my lover. My life-partner. “How do we get to him?”

“Unfortunately, Josh is a beacon of power. The Fearlings will rush him from all directions. The wolf will help him as we find our way to them. We need to find Doubt before the Nightmare overpowers them.”

“Doubt? He is here?”

“He is the lion and the wolf’s shadow.” The spirit smiled as she pointed yet again to the light Josh radiated. At first I saw nothing- then I saw it, a minute blackness in the centre of the glare. “Shadows in the light, a knife to the back…Tranquility to a dreamer- an arrow to the heart.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“He is what I am not.” Hope gave me a sad look as she shook her head.

 

\---

 

Hope and I made our way through halls pulled from my mind. Every now and then, Hope would pull me into the shadows and cover my mouth as we huddled together. The demons in various forms, sometimes Neria, sometimes Josh, other times Branson or Mia, Rosalie would search for us and I would still my breathing as we hid. The demons would sneer in anger as they got desperate to find us. The Nightmare would chastise them in Josh’s form and I silently chuckled at the inaccuracy of the foolish demon’s portrayal of my lover. (Pathetic)

We found what seemed to be a room used to keep the troublesome mages of a circle: Solitary Confinement. Hope managed to unlock the door with some weird spell she cast on the hinges, I rushed inside once I saw the battered body of Cole. His eyes barely opened when I took his body in my arms.

“Compassion! Do not sleep here! You will be lost forever as the Nightmare’s plaything! You will become Despair!”

“He wants the Herald of Fen’Harel.” Cole muttered as I helped him to his feet, he nodded to me in thanks and frowned miserably. “The wolf is here to protect him but he is not strong enough.”

“How can Fen’Harel not be strong enough?” I asked with an unbelieving look. Hope took my hand and shook her head.

“Like you and Josh. He…is ‘awakened’. He remembers what happened just as you do, but unlike you- you were sent by Josh. He was the final survivor after you left. Spirits and demons remember those final days- but mortals do not because they have died. Josh died as well by your hand. He needed to be reminded. “

We then entered a dark hall and I attempted to summon up fire to light the way, but the flames were dull. It would flicker for a moment and die out as I tried to reignite it. Each attempt became more and more inconvenient until the flames stopped appearing at all. I gave Cole a worried look as he held my shoulder.

“Cole…did you see Valor?”

“He’s gone.”

“Gone?”

“Doubt.”

(Doubt?)

Hope pointed towards a shadow approaching from the darkness. It had steely eyes was it regarded me carefully, clad in a smoke-like cloak as he grinned at me and extended his hand, he looked dangerous but for the most part, he didn’t seem to want any trouble- and the way he looked at me was as if he knew me.

“Greetings, mortal. I am Doubt.”

“Do I know you, demon? You are not the same as when I met you back then…”

“The Nightmare changed me. I embraced it to help the wolves he has entrapped in his web, for they are clever and can break free from his grasp. You however, require my aid. You once were a valorous man, but now you doubt. Doubt is good. Let doubt drive you to save your wolf, lion. Doubt everything- for nothing is certain. With countless shadows in the light…who can you truly trust?”

(No one.)


	8. Playing With Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maker's breath...things really spiraled out of control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Starfall (Classics vol.2) by Two Steps From Hell.

Following the demon called Doubt was troublesome.

Firstly, it didn’t really help that the Fade was literally crammed with Fearlings serving the Nightmare- we needed to remain hidden and with regards to that, Hope served admirably. She’d stay behind me and told me if we were near any foes, which would help Cole and Doubt to deal with them as quietly as possible. For the most part we remained hidden but there were a few moments when the fighting became a bit much. Fortunately, Hope was a decent healer and we sustained minimal injuries while navigating the Fade.

Secondly, my magic returned but the fire was now black as pitch. Doubt confirmed it when I confronted him about it, Valor was gone and all that was left was a flame made from smoke and soot. Not that I minded, this flame was terrifying to behold when it burned. It took less effort to conjure it up as well. The only fault was that it was powered from doubt and that was where the problem stemmed.

Hope called it “bane-ise” or “darkfire”. It burned hot or cold- depending mainly on the emotion used to call it up but the defining feature of the black flames was the fact that it seemed weak. I mean sure- once tossed, it looked like I was using ashes or dirt to sear the demons. Most of them looked at me in confusion. One actually laughed at me, really- Rage fell to the ground and laughed but soon it turned to screams as the demon died from the bane-ise and then Doubt explained it to me.

The darkfire I wielded drew power not only from my will but also from the doubts of foes. The more doubts they had about the fire; the more intensely it would burn. The fire looked weak and foes who didn’t know any better would doubt the magic until it actually starts to burn them in full force. All in all, it was a difficult magic to learn to use. It required some subterfuge on my part- not something I was ever accustomed to but I would eventually get used to the idea of it, just like how I learned to use the vhenan-ise.

Doubt led us to a dormant eluvian deep inside the Fade. It was at the end of a long corridor and meant that we were currently at a dead end. Cole regarded it carefully as I approached it. It didn’t respond to my touch nor did the spirits or the demon find a way to activate it. Hope gave me a worried look as I turned to Doubt and snarled when we heard demons approaching from our flank. (There is nowhere to hide. We must-)

“We need to move, demon. We cannot-“

“Not now Lion!” Doubt shouted as he pulled us close and kept us flat against the wall beside the magical mirror. I looked over his shoulder and saw the eluvian light up as the shadows of countless demons approached with monstrous bellows but suddenly my sight flared white and I heard a deafening crash and a scream at once. The same scream I heard as I fought the Qunari in the Darvaraad.

“Ir harel! Ir ir harel!” Josh screamed as he dashed through the horde with ice and shattered them in an instant. Behind him, Solas tumbled out of the mirror and nodded to me as Josh slid down to his knees and cried. I raced over to his side as Hope erected a barrier over the eluvian when more demons approached. Josh had a distraught look as he looked at me. “Ir tel’him, ma vherain. Ir emma enfanim!”

“I’m here Josh. I’m here.” I hugged at his body and he nodded slowly with tears rolling down his cheeks. Solas kneeled beside me and stroked Josh’s forehead.

“The demon forced him to watch to you turn slowly into a monster. He could not take it. “ Solas shook his head with a solemn look as Cole moved closer and nodded to me as Hope broke her barrier and allowed Cole and Doubt to take care of the remaining demons. “Then he started seeing the spiders, from there he just ran. He was so afraid. I wish he didn’t see all that.”

“Josh hates spiders with a passion.” I smirked as I kissed the mage’s cheek and he beamed as I nuzzled him close to my chest. He let out a small whimper as I grazed my teeth over his neck. Solas let out a small scoff and I remembered how impatient the white wolf got with us once we started a kissing session. “Ir abelas, ma falon.”

“It’s fine, vherain. I am merely happy to see you both still in love. Unfortunately, now is not the best of times to show it.” The elf spoke and I nodded. We helped Josh to his feet and the love of my life regarded me carefully as we passed through the now active eluvian with the spirits in tow. Cole made a few comments with Doubt that didn’t really make any sense and Hope merely chuckled as she watched for any demons approaching.

We battled through a few halls pulled from Josh’s mind, parts of it were Ostwick’s Circle- the rest was Skyhold and the Crossroads. It was decided that we would fight if it was required and hide if we were too tired. With the numbers we currently had, we could fight for a while without tiring. Hope agreed to use her barriers while everyone else focused on taking down the hordes of Fearlings as quickly as possible.

Josh looked at me in confusion as he balled his fist, the one with my mother’s ring. The look changed to one of shock as he touched the cold metal and moved to pull it off but I grabbed his hand before he could. (Don’t you dare!)

“You don’t want me a-anymore?” I asked. My voice was hoarse and gave way as I asked the question. The mage looked at me with a perplexed glare. He looked back down at the ring and then at me. It must have dawned on him what the ring meant. He began to stammer as his cheeks flushed with color.

“What- I…” Josh’s eyes narrowed on mine and for a moment I felt fear, but then he enveloped me in a sloppy hug, his hands groping at me as he blushed profusely. “I said yes?”

“That you did.”

“Ask me again.” The Knight-Enchanter mouthed and this time, Doubt jumped in.

“Sorry to interrupt your moment, but there are a lot of demons ahead…”

“I…but I- Maker Josh I don’t…I uh…um- Maker’s breath this…is embarrassing-”

“Ask.” The mage tittered with rosy cheeks.

“W-Will you marry me, Josh Lavellan-Trevelyan? I mean- I want you to…you already said yes and I…Oh for the love of- ” I dropped to a single knee and kissed at the hand which held the ring. Doubt snarled as he dashed ahead with Cole and Solas while Hope kept us all safe. I smiled at the mage and he shook his head.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.” The mage repeated as he continued shaking his head.

“Why are you shaking your head?” I asked as the mage gave me a sad look and continued to shake his head solemnly as I arose to my feet; I clasped my fingers in his and stroked his hairline with my claw. He purred slightly at the contact.

 “The only thing I wanted in life was love. I have found that with you but I am a wolf. I deceive- I lie…while you are a lion- a valorous, handsome lion who is honest and so full of life. Are you sure you want me in your life? I might deceive you again.”

“Deceive me then, all the more reason for me to punish y-you.” I beamed as I pulled him into a kiss, my shyness long gone as I fought his tongue with my own. He tasted of honey as our tongues danced a dance we knew off by heart- moving to the rhythm of our heartbeats. Wait- I heard his heart beating as well was mine. (Weird) “I can hear your heart beating.”

“I can hear yours as well. Perhaps it is time to come clean on the nature of my gift to you.” Josh pointed to his bracelet and then to mine.

“You lied about it as well?! Then…did you lie about loving me, Josh?” I asked in with a harsh tone and saw Josh winch. He pulled away slightly and his eyes watered.

“I lie about many things but that is the one thing I will never lie about.”

I pulled him into a kiss and heard Doubt scoff as he pointed out that the demons were dealt with for the moment.  We journeyed further into the Fade, taking a path according to Solas that wasn’t taken before so we didn’t end up where we started. As we walked, Josh held onto my claw and smiled as he pointed to the bracelet on my human hand.

“It is called dasemah’lin. It means ‘to be on the verge of restraining blood’. It isn’t really a…lifeward.” The mage shrugged as he kissed my claw and I gave him a worried look. He chuckled as he looked at me. “Do not worry. They…do prevent death. Your blood will drain as you draw near to death but they will keep you sustained with the blood I fused into the metal.”

“Our blood…” He nodded when I said it. I saw Solas move to the back of our merry band as we walked. He gave me a slight smile as he spoke briefly with Hope.

“It’s the Bloodlock at its best. So long as the necklace exists, you will live.”

“I-Immortality then?”

“In a way. It’s a…promise.” Josh grinned to himself. (I can’t…die?)

The spirits came to an abrupt stand still and Josh tensed up. I turned to look ahead and I saw Uldred. I was transfixed by an unnatural fear as he approached and I turned to run. I crashed into Josh and we tumbled over each other as I let out a sharp cry as Hope’s eyes widened in fear.

“The Nightmare has found us! RUN!”

 Hope tried to erect a barrier but I saw him tear into her. His blood magic ripped her apart as her form dispersed into the air and she simply vanished. (NO!)

“I am your worst nightmare come alive!” Uldred screamed as he unleashed a horde of demons, all wearing the face of my lover, mangled as an abomination. Josh looked horrified as he pulled me to run. I watched as Cole and Doubt slipped into the shadows to flank the demon while Josh and I ran for our lives. I was afraid. It was Kinloch Hold all over again.

“There’s fucking spiders everywhere!” Josh cringed as I pulled him past the stairs leading to the Harrowing Chamber.

“Hold onto me, love.” Josh nodded as I threw all my strength into my templar training and I called up the most powerful barrier that I could. The demons clawed at the barrier of darkfire and got burned with each attempt. Eventually they stopped and merely watched as Josh and I huddled together and looked away from the monsters.

“Ir harel, ma vhenan.” Josh whispered as I stroked his back. I nodded to him as I planted a kiss on his cheek to keep his attention on me and not the Fearlings watching us from the darkness. Their eyes, glowing dull like candles at midnight.

Solas was missing, but I knew he was devious. The Dread Wolf was probably fighting the Nightmare while we had its cronies attention- Clever but dangerous. Josh could probably kill it but the problem was that the Knight-Enchanter was too distraught to even think coherently.

“Josh…” I began was stroked his cheek and he murmured a low sound as I started a slow caress. “I need you to do something, ma vhenan.”

“I…don’t want to see t-them.” Josh stammered as he latched onto me. The mage was very afraid and he refused to let go of me as I stroked his hair. I felt his tears on my chest as it cascaded down and I resisted the urge to cry as well. To see your worst fears would break any man. Josh was no different. ‘I can’t…” (Okay…his dreamer abilities are out of the question, for the time being.)

“Tell me- what do you see, emma lath?” Josh shook his head as I kissed at his neck and he let out a small moan with blush rising up his neck. The mage opened his eyes briefly and he locked them on my own.

“Loving eyes- Red and painful…but filled with love.” I let out a faint chuckled as I kissed him for a moment then pointed behind me.

“Not what I meant, but it’s a start. Tell me what you fear…what do you see?”

“What do you see? I do not wish to look again- but I will if you tell me your fears.” The mage shook his head fervently and I let out a sigh as I turned to look and I saw the Fake-Josh’s, all looking at me with a sickening grin and eyes brimming with lust and hate as his disfigured face was drawn into my mind’s eye. (Look away)

“I see you. A puppet of a demon- an abomination like Linnea.” I rasped as I hugged at his smaller frame. The mage let out a small gasp as I held onto him, my heat and his own filling me with a feeling of intense love but not dispelling the dread in my heart. “I am afraid of what you might become. I don’t want to lose you, ma vhenan.” (Never again)

Josh then nodded solemnly as he hugged at my chest and looked over my shoulder; he let out a low scream as he took in the demons’ visage and cried in my arms. He then he kissed my cheek.

“I see you. A knight covered red crystal, eyes dead- skin pale and your heart colder than winter itself. I see your claw and I weep because the only thing stopping you from becoming this…is the bracelets.”

“WHAT?” I shouted and the mage gave me a nervous look as I looked down at mine and saw minute red shards beginning to form on the metal. I immediately recalled Samson telling me what happened to the rest of the templars given the Red. They were monsters. So the only reason I survived- the only reason I could think for myself was Josh’s gift to me.

“I didn’t expect it to do so, but there it is- our blood is keeping you in check. A happy mistake, one I am grateful for making.” Josh pulled me into yet another hug, one that I returned eagerly as I subtly repositioned so I was facing the demons and he, the wall behind us. I glanced over his shoulder and saw the demons staring at us in confusion as Josh kissed at my neck- I resisted the urge to moan out loud as my eyes scanned for any opportunities to escape.

I then caught sight of a movement behind the demons. Hope waved her hands and then winked at me as she retreated back into the shadows. I suddenly felt my heart overflow with bravery against my hesitation to fight back. (So she deceived the demons? Interesting…)

“Josh, do you trust me?”

“I do. Why?”

“Hold me tight, ma fen. Things are about to get dangerous.” The mage gave me a concerned glance but grabbed onto my human hand as I broke the barrier and swung out my claw. The demons didn’t see me coming, they cried out in his voice as I tore into them while keeping Josh behind me.  I fought on until the horde was cut down and I slumped down to the ground in fatigue.

“Ir abelas. I needed them to think I was dead. The others have driven the demon to the end of his realm. There are no more Fearlings left for him to call on. We can end the Nightmare after a short rest- but first…” The spirit nodded to me as she waved a healing hand over my chest. My armor was sundered and I got a few wounds to my midsection but I didn’t really notice them. Josh smiled as the wounds closed and touched my forehead with his own. I closed my eyes once Hope moved to give us some privacy. (Thank you)

“I am yours, my brave lion.”

“You keep saying that you’re mine. I’m just as much yours, my wolf.”

“I know… I just like reminding you.” Josh tittered as he licked at my ear and I let out a groan that Josh relished in as he flushed.

“Admit it- you’re hot for me right now.”

“I…” The mage stammered and flushed even deeper. It was sexy to watch how red he got when I flirted with him audaciously. “Oh Cullen.”

“I believe those are your favorite words, ma vhenan.”

“W-What?”

 “Everything is ‘Oh Cullen.’ ‘Oh Cullen.’ ‘Oh Cullen.’” I smiled at him as I stroked his hairline and kiss at his cheek. “My heart quivers each time you say my name.”

“Even in combat?”

“You have no idea how distracting it is…I…” I let out a long sigh as I hugged at his chest and grinned when my stubble tickled him. The mage chuckled loudly as I pulled away and gave him a sheepish look. “It’s not like wait for you to say it- I mean…I do sometimes- I…uh…Maker’s breath! You make me feel like a teenager.”

“I feel the same.”

“You do?”

“Cullen…” The Knight-Enchanter chuckled as he licked at my neck with a cold tongue and I bucked away from him. “I love you so much. I deceive and I do what I must- but I love it when you’re doing me.”

“Don’t you ever wish to take me?” I asked with a curious look. The mage flushed and let out a small cough as I massaged his temples with my fingers.

“I have. But I prefer you taking me.”

“Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious, ma vhenan?” The mage smiled as he dipped a cold finger to the sundered armor I wore and touched the recently healed flesh. I let out a slight hiss as the cold seeped into my flesh and filled my body with a desire to fuck Josh silly but for the moment I resisted it. “You love being in control. I love handing over control to you, vherain. That and you have a handsome cock.”

“I…” I began but my voice failed me, my cock stirred at his words and I resisted the urge to take him right at that moment, again. (You know exactly how to get me worked up…ma fen.)

“Think about it- soon we’ll be married. You could fuck me all day as my husband. We could start our family again…and find Sulahn with Hope’s help- then we fuck all day. Think on it Cullen.”

“I’m trying.” I shook my head comically and earned a laugh from the mage. “Let’s kill the Nightmare first, ma vhenan.”

“Then you’ll fuck me?”

“Leave that for now!”

 

\---

 

We met up with the others deeper in the Fade. Once reunited, I pointed out a path to the Nightmare’s lair- the Harrowing Chamber above where Josh and I holed up. We soon found ourselves in the room covered in blackness- not shadows…no spell- no source of light could light up the room but that was not the problem.

In the darkness, there were countless eyes. Hope warned us that the blackness was a manifestation of the Nightmare’s power. She then shed her form and turned into the figure made from light that I remembered in Adamant. The shadows receded as we entered the room and revealed that it was indeed the Harrowing Chamber of Kinloch Hold. (This demon likes making my life difficult!)

What terrified me was the fact was that as we moved deeper into the chamber, the darkness reformed where the light could not reach and I felt Josh’s hold on my human hand tightening as we approached the Nightmare.

“You will know true fear. I am your worst Nightmare.”

He tried to fool us with his giant visage looming over us- I saw a grotesque fiend made from the bodies of innumerable Red Templars, amalgamated into a hideous form similar to the Harvester Orsino turned himself into in Kirkwall, but Hope (Thank the Maker for her) cast out a burst of light, rendering the simulacrum useless as it fell apart. The demon let out a hateful cry as it bee-lined for Hope in the shape it had in Adamant: A tall, male body with the legs of a spider on its back, mimicking the movements of wings.

I intercepted him and got the opportunity to introduce the fucker to my claw. With a few swipes, a few slashes from Cole, a stab from Doubt, he was left open for a few rift spells by the Dread Wolf and a spirit blade to the chest. However, the demon moved a quickly as it phased in and out of existence. I almost got sucked into the blackness but luckily Josh managed to fade stepped me out of it before the blackness could latch onto me with its beady eyes all over the room.

The Nightmare was tough, I gave him that. With every blow we dealt him, he retaliated in kind, inflicting lasting wounds on us, but had ample support from Hope and Josh.

The demon managed to knock Cole prone with a well timed slash. It summoned up darkness to swallow the spirit but he was quick. Cole might have been wounded, but I had to admit- the forgotten boy could fight like a dragon at times. He broke into a dance of blades as Doubt joined at the demon’s flank. The demon tried to cast out a spell of fear but I used my bane-ise to burn him- instead it silenced him. (So…it’s anti-magic fire? Kind of like how a templar smites a maleficar?)

Josh gave me a concerned look as he rushed in with his spirit blade drawn, he was about strike when the shadows reared up and rushed forward to engulf us all. In that moment- I leapt ahead and pulled Josh into my arms. I felt the dark tendrils pulling at him as we held onto each other for dear life while the spirits darted away. (You will not have him!)

Solas conjured up a firestorm to try and disrupt the Nightmare but to no avail- He and Josh screamed in horror at Hope and my eyes moved to her as she flew up into the air and released a pulse of light as her eyes locked with mine. Her voice rang out as the darkness subsided and the demon looked about bewildered as we all stood in confusion as she disappeared, this time forever. (No…not again!)

“Ir nadas lath Josh! Is ir fen’an! Ma leanash vherain- amelan’vhenan! Ma serannas Cullen…”

The light disappeared as my eyes opened, I was still holding onto Josh but the mage flew out of my grasp with a growl as he approached the demon, sans staff and spirit blade. The Nightmare moved to cast a spell but Josh grabbed at its neck and snarled as Solas moved over to me in the now lit chamber and helped me to my feet, his eyes had a look of shock. Cole and Doubt looked at the mage in anticipation as light erupted from Josh.

“What are you doing?!“ The demon cried as Josh roared into his face.

“You killed Hope- Now the dreamers you subjugated will kill you! Die! Just fucking DIE!” Josh wrenched the demon into the wall and flicked his wrist. I watched in horror as the room flooded with sounds and voices- all disembodied and raw until I saw faces. Countless faces as spirits filled the room, all ragged and tired but very angry as they tore into the demon with hands made from the essence of the Fade.

Josh moved over to me and cried as he nuzzled my chest. Solas looked on as Josh covered his ears but I heard the voice of the Nightmare. He screamed in agony as he was torn limb from limb- still alive and breathing as the spirits broke him into smaller pieces until the realm crumbled and we were back in the Raw Fade before the demon pulled us into his nightmarish realm. The Nightmare was gone. Dead.

“Call on us when you have need of our aid, mortal. We are thankful for your assistance.” I nodded to the demon called Doubt (formerly my friend Valor) as he followed the dreamers as they dispersed back into the Fade like a river that joins to the sea. I turned to see Cole looking off into the distance as the black wolf raced off into the Fade. Josh pulled away from me and smiled meekly- briefly waving to the Dread Wolf then returning his attention to me.

“Hope’s essence tore at the binds holding the spirits the Nightmare used as his source of power. I tapped into it and called them to where we were. They realized that it was their chance to escape their unending nightmare. They are free now.”

“I am sorry about Hope.”

“Those who are meant to die, die. It is the Maker’s will, Cul.” The mage shrugged as he looked at away briefly and I grabbed at his chin and turned his face to my own.

“Hey.” I murmured as I kissed at his neck and stroked his hairline with my claw. “I’m here for you, ma vhenan. Don’t ever hide how you feel from me. I know you are torn up inside. Speak to me.”

The mage let out a lengthy sigh as he returned a kiss to my neck and licked at my scar. He then pointed up to the green sky and to the Black City in the distance. He then pointed to himself with a sigh.

“I am so tired, Cul.”

“I am as well.”

“I want an end to death. I have seen too much- heard too much…” The dreamer sneered to himself as redness covered his cheek and he looked away from me.  “Hope was once everything to me. To see her sacrifice herself for us again- it’s too much. There’s too much death- too much wrong in this world for a spirit like her to be simply…dead.”

The mage kissed at my cheek and I felt him reach for my bracelet. In that moment, I broke into a coughing fit, his eyes darted to my lips with a horrified look as he wiped at it and pointed to his blood covered fingers. It had shards of the Red breaking apart on it- My blood. (Oh no…)

“Cullen!”

The coughing grew worse as I pulled away from him and settled on all fours as the realm crumbled at Josh’s behest. Cole was immediately at my side, rubbing at my back and soon I heard Calpernia cry out in horror as I pushed everyone away. The shards formed from my limbs as I slammed down my fist in pain, roaring as the Red engulfed my blood, that’s when I heard it loudly- A sickeningly beautiful song in the back of my mind as Josh reached for my back. His hands slid over the crystal but I pushed him away as the shards grew faster. Then my vision blurred as I saw Josh looking at me as he tried to elicit a response from me but I was too tired. I heard Samson and the others as well as my eyes closed on their own.

Everyone was speaking at once as I shifted in and out of consciousness. I tried to open my eyes but my body did not respond. Then I heard it- a voice both serene and raw. A voice akin to Corypheus and then my eyes opened.

I saw a darkspawn- a talking darkspawn with a golden mask covering a semi-disfigured face speaking to Josh and Neria as two elves held me down to a bed. I recognized one as Velanna, the other had a similar face but with kinder eyes and short cropped blonde hair instead of the long blonde locks Velanna had. I then saw Jason with blighted eyes and Felix who nodded to the former-templar as they too helped to hold me down as I flailed about to break free. (What is happening here?!)

“PLEASE…RELEASE ME!” My mind burned as I took in my voice, monstrous and cruel as it rang out. Josh turned to me with a sad look as Neria approached and she shook her head. She pointed to my chest and I let out a gasp when I saw that most of my body was covered in the Red. (No…)

“You have been through much, Cullen. The Architect will take care of you now. Relax- breathe.”  Jason smiled as he turned to look at the fiend who resembled the Elder One. I felt the darkspawn place a hand to my chest and he nodded as Josh approached with a miserable look. The darkspawn spoke but my hearing faded in and out as he explained the situation, all the while trying to get me to stop screaming.

“You are…of the Blight…cleanse with your blood- can stop the growth but… time. Even then we must find a way for….to retain…mind…consuming it...”

Josh then moved over to my side and lifted my hand with the bracelet. Our breaths hitched at the same time when he pointed to the Red growing out of the normally pristine metal. It twisted about the Stormheart- the sight of his gift being tainted made me begin to spew blood. Josh took a rag and wiped me clean but he gave his new allies a sad look.

“There…no cure…is there?”

“We…try. Stop…Dread Wolf. Only…can…Alara…gone.”

(The Red…It hurts! Make it stop! Please!)

All that remained was a kiss on my cheek and a whisper in my ear.

“…lath ma.”


	9. From The Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ar lath ma, emma vhenan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to Forgotten Vale (Dawnguard) from Skyrim's OST.

Visions of taking the Red flooded my mind as I tried to sleep. 

I slept unsoundly but felt a comforting presence as Josh sat beside me in my dreams. The demons that drew near were promptly dealt with by the Dread Wolf as he visited the dream every now and then to see how I was doing. There was a knowing sadness in his eyes but I enjoyed his company- even if it was briefly in his wolf form. (Solas…so misguided yet such a good friend. I don’t know what to make of you.)

When I awoke, I saw that I was inside my old room in Skyhold. Jason sat at the foot of the bed as the kind elf I saw with Velanna tended to the room. I must have made a sound because they both turned to me quickly and Jason grinned as he moved over to my side, the elf he called Seranni raced down the ladder.

“It’s…good to see you alive, Knight-Commander.” The templar saluted and I tried to nod. The best I could manage was a small bob of my head. I saw that the templar’s eyes were dark; the grey of his irises was gone, replaced by a blackish dull sheen that contrasted his face and his clothes. I saw the signs immediately on him and realized that he was a ghoul. I had heard of them but never thought I would see one- a sane one for myself.

“You…ghoul?” I managed to rasp as I tried to sit up. I felt a sharp pain in my spine as I moved and the templar stopped me with a firm hand. He pointed out that I had Red shards in my spine and that I had to remain as I was for the time being.

“I was looking for you guys after your stay at the Guislain Estate. Madame de Fer was quite confused as to your whereabouts. I managed to pick up your trail near Adamant but…I was ambushed by darkspawn.”  The youth then pulled up his shirt to reveal a taut chest covered in hard lines but there was a blackened wound across his ribs. “Neria and Felix found me. I would have died if it wasn’t for The Architect.”

“…Architect?”

The templar nodded as he dropped the cloth back down and stroked my hairline with a cold hand.

“Josh was so worried. I’ve never seen him so concerned over anyone before. You are a lucky man, Cullen.” The young man grinned as he turned to Seranni as she climbed up the ladder. The elf was thinner than Velanna but was the splitting image of the angry keeper. She smiled as she approached and I saw that she too was a ghoul- her green eyes dull as the Taint pulled at the color, leaving a frail green that threatened to disappear into the same blackness I saw in Jason’s eyes.

“How are you feeling?” The elf had a voice sweeter than honey. The words flowed off her tongue like water and I found myself wondering how a blighted creature like her could ever sound so perfect. I nodded as she placed a hand over my forehead and cringed. She moved to wipe my body with a damp rag. “You’re burning up.”

A hand caught onto hers and I saw Josh smile at her briefly as she dropped the rag into the pail of water. He then pointed to my chest. I looked down and saw that at the space where my heart was, a single shard of the Red had begun to grow. The rest of the Red was gone aside from my claw and the Red tearing through my spine. (I am a monster…)

“Red Lyrium is warm. It will make him unbearably hot at times but he is fine for the time being. Allow me, da’len.” The ghoul nodded and led Jason down the ladder, leaving me with my lover as the mage approached with a sad look and he traced my scar with his fingers. I relished in the feeling as he rinsed the rag and began to wipe at my chest, then at my neck and arms. My eyes began to water uncontrollable as I sobbed from the pain that engulfed my mind and my body. The mage leaned closer after dropping the rag into the water bucket and wrapped me in his arms.

“…Ir abelas, ma fen.”

“Oh Cullen.” The mage sighed as he kissed at my cheek and I felt tears streaming down his cheeks. We held each other briefly as he wiped at our tears with a silk handkerchief. Josh then climbed onto the bed beside me and grinned slightly. “I will take care of you.”

“You don’t have…to.”

“I want to. I love you- how can I leave you at a time like this? No. The People will have to wait. I have to take care of you.” Josh shook his head as he kissed at my cheek and I felt my body catch ablaze in that moment.  “You are my People, Cullen.”

I let out a breathy moan as he climbed off the bed and pulled off my breeches, then my underwear. He began to wipe at my feet and legs with the rag and I closed my eyes at the sensation of the coldness moving over the enflamed flesh. He them moved up my thighs and my breath hitched as he massaged at my balls and my cock. It rose immediately to attention and the mage let out a small chuckle as he shook his head. His cheeks turned red as he stopped moving and eyed my throbbing need.

“What a randy lion!” Josh smirked as he looked at me. His eyes held a sad look but there was lust in his gaze, slight but there. I let out a pained moan as he removed the rag and rinsed it in the bucket. “I don’t know if I should be pleasuring you, Cullen. I want to…but-”

“…Please.” It came out as a plea. I felt ashamed in that moment but it was dispelled when the mage kissed my claw, his tongue, licking at the Red that no longer responded to his healing touch. It was a curious feeling, one that I savored as the mage hummed as he moved.

“If you feel any discomfort, please tell me.” Josh smiled as he pulled away and traced the lines of my chest. I felt my cock harden as his hands drew nearer to my flesh. He then enveloped me into a soft hold as he intoned ice and started an unhurried stroke, his eyes on mine as he moved the hand painfully slow. I cussed slightly at the sensation of his cold hand moving over me. (…Maker’s breath!)

The mage stopped briefly, a worried look plastered onto his handsome face as he looked for any signs of bruising but I assured him that I was fine. His hand reached for my cock again, this time it was warm to the touch and grew slick from the pre dribbling from my engorged tip. He then wrapped both his hands around it, his eyes fixed on my mine as I closed them- his hands moved expertly as he got me to buck into his hands. The effort left me in pain but I didn’t mind. It was a good pain.

I gritted my teeth as Josh moved faster, my body moved to fuck his hand as his bracelet jingled against my thigh. The metal was cold and made me buck into his hot hands for comfort as the Knight-Enchanter moved to kiss my scar, my mind was fogged with lust as I plunged myself into his hands.

With a loud grunt, I came all over my chest and Josh’s hands. The mage kissed at my neck and wiped me and himself clean with the rag and smiled as I offered to get him off. He tittered with his cheeks still flushed.

“When you’re better- For now let me take care of you, ma vhenan.”

Once the waves of pleasure subsided I asked Josh to give me the hand mirror lying beside the end table. I would reach for it but my limbs were lame and I was curious as to how my face looked at the moment. The mage gave me a sorry look as he slowly reached for the mirror. He them began to stammer as he held it out to me and then I saw it.

My eyes were inhuman. The grayness was gone; I had no white in my eyes anymore as it was replaced by a blackness that made my seething red irises stand out to alarming effect. The mage took my hand as tears began to form and they fell as I sobbed quietly. Josh kissed my cheek as they fell- he held onto me and smiled.

“I love you Cullen. I don’t care how you look or what’s happening inside or outside your body. You are my whole world. I ensured your survival- mind, body and soul.” The mage looked away from me briefly and I saw for a second the same look he gave me in front of the Black City before sending me back.

“What did you do?”

“What I had to.”

 

\---

 

Josh made me some stew and fed it to me with a few mishaps. (…Sorry) From what I could hear from my tower, Skyhold was mostly abandoned but for a few groups of people moving through it on a daily basis. Then I was told that said “people” were talking, benign darkspawn, friends of Neria’s. (…Okay…breathe. You’ve heard worse, Cullen. Breathe.)

My love was insufferably vague as to what he did to stop the Red from spreading inside me. (I worry about you, Josh) and rather left it to the Architect to explain.

I got to meet the Architect himself, granted at first I thought he was the Elder One and very nearly shouted in horror, but there was honesty to the darkspawn. The way he spoke of Neria and his charges- it implied that he genuinely cared for his people. He claimed to not want to rule over the darkspawn but to free them from the shackles of the “song” heard by them and the Grey Wardens- a song I now knew all too well.

Neria then explained that in order to do so, the Architect needed Grey Warden blood and that she happily gave him her blood in exchange for his help to stop the Calling. While she didn’t have a cure just yet, it was enough for the darkspawn to try and help her find it.

The more I spoke to the creature, the more I became awestricken by its sheer nobility for a blighted being. Once alone with me, he explained that Josh used the Bloodlock to stop the Red from moving to my brain. The problem lied in the fact that it was spreading there already and that Josh’s magic would not keep my mind intact forever. I needed a long term cure- or at least a deterrent to allow me to stay sane until I dealt with Solas.

Josh saw to my washes for the next week and he had a sad look as he told me during one that Alara was missing. She disappeared into thin air but I knew the truth: Fen’harel had made his move and I needed to plan ahead so that we could take down the Elder One, then stop Solas from destroying everything. He was a friend. I didn’t want to hurt him.

I craved the Red but Josh denied me, so did Samson. For some reason I felt at ease knowing that Sam was around. (He must have understood how I felt after all the death he saw…)

I asked my mage how long it was until the Conclave and he remained silent. He bit his lower lip and smiled dismally as he held a bowl of soup in his hands. I was still too tired to move, so the mage had to look after me. He brought a spoon of soup to my mouth and I swallowed it eagerly. He then nodded to himself and spoke.

“In a month.”

“So soon?!”

“Cullen, we need to change our approach to all this…” The mage began as he fed me another spoon of the piping hot chicken soup. I gave him an askew glance as he set aside the empty bowl and spoon, then took my hand as I turned my head to face him. He stroked my hairline and I purred into the warmth of his fingers.

“What do you mean?”

“We can’t face the Elder One at the Conclave. It is simply too dangerous. One mistake and we’re both dead, regardless of the dasemah’lin. Also, I know myself. If I had the chance to regain the Anchor, I would take it- and I know Sethius Amladaris’ magicks. He commands the Blight. He could control you because you are practically a Red Templar- but your mind is your own. I have a plan though…you will not like it.”

“Why?” I asked in a serious tone as the mage kissed at my cheek and chuckled when I ran a hot tongue up his stubble covered neck. He seemed to enjoy my feeble attempts to flirt. I was in a lot of pain- it didn’t allow me to think beyond the moment I was in. I was glad the Knight-Enchanter was tolerant, but the look he gave me worried me. “What do you want to do?”

“The mind is a ewer of water, filled as we carry it through time. In order to stop the Elder One from controlling you, you must overflow with water; you must drink from the Well.”

“The Well of Sorrows? Are you insane!?”

“Perhaps, but it is worth a try.’ Josh gave me a resolute look as he traced my claw with his fingers, I latched onto them briefly and the mage chuckled as he kissed my nose. I gave him an incredulous look as I sighed from the sensation of his hand clasped into my claw. It was five-times the size of his hand and yet it felt like it belonged there. “The Well makes it impossible for outside sources to influence your mind but it is loud- Very loud- sometimes deafening.”

“You said you remembered everything after drinking from it…”

“Yes.” The Knight-Enchanter nodded with a grin. “I am sorry I deceived you but it was required. I can still hear Mother, speaking…singing into the void to me. When I helped Solas as his friend, trusted advisor and emissary, I heard him instead. I can confirm that the Well will help to keep your mind in check- you will serve Mythal knowingly or unknowingly as I do- perhaps I can find a way to bypass the cost completely. The only concern is that you’ve become…resistant to me.”

“Resistant to you?” I gave him a worried look but he merely sighed and settled down beside me on the large bed. “I hope that’s not a bad thing.”

“Not really.” Josh flushed as he traced my chest and placed a hand over the shard where my heart was. It burned like fire but the mage kept me from moving as he traced the ridges of the shard. It felt like the shard was a part of me- an extension of my form. When the youth removed his hand and kissed at my cheek, I looked down and saw that the Red was now darker. It didn’t glow as it did before.  Instead, it was dull and looked like the color of dried blood. “It’s like…you’ve become used to my touch. Parts of the Red have accepted it. It isn’t fighting anymore to claim you at those points.”

Josh then moved from my side and leaned over my chest. His hands stroked at my hardened flesh as he showed me the more recent shards pushing out from me, and I felt a cold shiver go down my entire body as he took my human hand and kissed it tenderly. He brought it to his cheek and let out a moan as I moved my fingers to cup his handsome face.

“It is dormant, like what the Architect has done with the darkspawn. The Red is still trying to claim you, but eventually it will stop. The only problem is to stop the Elder One from accelerating the process. I believe the Well will provide you with the mental fortitude you need to counter him completely…” The mage then hesitated slightly as he leaned into my touch and I saw him give me a remorseful look. “Forgive me, but I’ve started a path not of my liking. You will hate me for it but…I need it to understand it all.”

“What…have you done, Josh?”

The mage pulled away from me and moved to get a satchel he carried. He pulled out red flasks from it then the moment I saw it, it dawned on me what he has been doing to improve the Bloodlock…to save me.

“Why? I don’t want you to become THIS!” I roared and the mage cringed as he set down the red lyrium on the table beside my bed. He shook his head and placed a kiss on my lips. I didn’t move to return it and he gave me a sad look. I was about to chastise him when the Architect and Neria entered the top floor and they too looked at me sadly.

“It was required.” Josh spoke as he took a vial and downed it in a haze of motion. I moved to stop him but it was already in his mouth. He let out a hiss of pain as he moved closer to me and I stroked his face. His eyes went cloudy for a moment but then turned red like my own eyes. He grinned at me as the terrifying eyes receded and his own green-brown eyes returned.

He touched me with a healing spell upon his lips and immediately, I felt my body ease at his touch as warmth filled me- benign warmth that only the Red could give me. He then dropped to a knee beside me and coughed slightly as Neria placed a hand on his shoulder and helped him up. I gave him a concerned look but he merely smiled at me. (Josh…why?)

“A tranquil dreamer is immune to the Blight.” The Architect spoke as Neria and Josh lifted me from my resting place and helped me to pull on a loose shirt, and long cloak. The Architect then took hold of my chest as the healer and Knight-Enchanter pulled me up to my feet.

For a brief moment I fell forward but the Architect nodded to me as he held me fast. I moved my body against the pain and smiled when I felt my feet, stable and on the ground. Josh then helped me down the ladder by carrying me on his back. I was heavy and I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that he was able support my weight. (Is that an effect of using the Red?)

My old office was a mess but I ignored it for the moment as Neria and the Architect followed down the ladder and opened the door towards Josh’s tower.

I felt the cold air hit me in full force as I breathed in. It was a pleasant feeling to be back in Skyhold. The mage walked me over to the end of the battlement and pointed over to the multitier yard and I let out a small gasp as I saw darkspawn tending to the needs of infected humans and elves brought in by the Grey Warden’s serving under Neria. My mage then kissed my neck and grinned to himself, his voice slightly raspy from the Red he took but still as beautiful as it always was.

“Welcome to Skyhold: The place where the sky is held, a refuge for the lost and a home for the pariahs of Thedas. For now.”

“They can live here without tainting the animals and plants?”

“Cullen, they are harmless save to those who mean them harm, just as we mortals are. Some of them are more human than we are. It is…amazing.” The mage kissed my claw as he took me on a tour about the fortress. 

 

\---

 

Admittedly, walking about Skyhold and seeing all the sentient darkspawn did unnerve me. Luckily, Josh was there to keep me from running in fear or outright staring at them. Alexius and Felix waved at me as it passed them by. I was glad that Felix survived the Joining. Neria told me of the risks…it would have been unfortunate if he died.

The Knight-Enchanter then took me to his tower. I savored in the smells his lab had as he left me to watch as he whipped up a quick stew. I watched him eagerly as the smell of spiced chicken and steamed vegetables filled the room. A few times, I saw him smile at me as he worked at the shimmering cauldron over the fire pit. He offered me a glass of wine as he dished out the food and we sat outside, on the ramparts looking over the mountain pass.

With every bite I swallowed, I felt my body regain lost strength. The mage smirked as I flexed my legs and my arms after the meal. He moved take the plate I placed beside me but I pushed him against the tower wall, a hint of fear in his eyes as I moved in for a lick his neck. Josh let out a moan as I bit down at the tender flesh and smiled as I kissed at his cheek.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better.” I heard a voice speak as I turned to look, bewildered as I heard no door open. I saw Cole and my confusion drifted away as I moved from Josh and pulled the spirit into a hug. He nodded into my neck as he spoke. “Your song- It is calm now. Tainted but controlled, whispering lovingly into his ears. Like the Architect.”

“Huh?” Josh gave the rogue a perplexed look and Cole merely smiled at me as he disappeared in a haze of movement, his voice disembodied as Josh tittered.

“The door is not closed. This door is untainted, untouched…free- Washed clean and waiting. Open the door.”

“That boy always knows how to confuse me.”

“He’s talking about the song you hear from the Red. I could hear it as well. It terrified me.” I comforted my mage with a hug and he leaned into the contact until he moved pick up the plates while I carried the glasses inside his tower. We washed them and set them aside to dry and the Knight-Enchanter gave me a lecherous look as he led me to the bathhouse. A few darkspawn nodded to us as we passed them, Josh seemed to be on good terms with them. “Enough about the bad in our lives- It’s time for me to bathe you.”

I gave the mage an innocent look as he filled the tub with warm water that Seranni and Velanna brought, along with some bathing soaps and oils Neria traveled with. He began to pull at my clothes in an effort to strip me. I let out a chuckle as I pulled him towards me and kissed at his marred neck, a small smirk on my lips as I licked there and held him in a vice grip.

“As you can see, I am strong enough to bathe myself, thank you.” I pushed Josh away. He gave me a sad look as I removed my cloak and shirt. His eyes wandered my chest as I threw aside the garments and I saw his cheeks grow red as I moved to untie my breeches. “But you can bathe with me, by all means.”

“Evanuris take you! I v-very nearly begged! I would have…” Josh cried as he hugged at my chest and moved to pull down my pants but I stopped him with a swift grab at his crotch. His flesh twitched in my grasp and the high pitched hiss he made me giggle.

“Strip for me.” I murmured as he let go of him. The mage looked at me with lust in his dichromatic eyes. He started a slow movement as he pulled off his shirt, and then moved for his pants. He edged it down and I took pleasure in how his skin changed from olive to a deep red as my gaze settled on his cock, hardening each second my eyes remained on it. My own need stirred at the same time, hardening has he slipped down his smalls and tosses his clothes aside.

He moved over to me with a smile as he pulled down my own pants and licked the fabric protecting my arousal. He then edged it down and allowed me to toss it on the pile we made. He then licked at my tip but I stopped him before he could continue his efforts.

“Not yet. “ I pulled him up by his shoulders and kissed at his cheek as I pointed to the bathtub. I then entered the warm water and sat down, enjoying being enveloped by the heat all over my body. The mage then entered the water and settled with his back flush against my chest- at first the shard on my chest bit into his flesh but soon he adjusted to the discomfort and leaned backward, his ass teased at my cock as I wrapped him in my arms. He moaned as I reached for the wash cloth and lathered him up with the oils lying on the table next to the wooden tub. “Are you enjoying this?”

“I-I…am.” Josh stammered as I reached with my claw and traced his taut chest. He groaned as my appendages grazed his nipples. He shuddered against me as he reached behind him and stroked at the hand washing his back. “Cullen…”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. And no- I’m not fucking you. Not until I’m done cleaning you up.”

“Ah come on! Please?” Josh turned around completely with a pleading look as he kissed at my neck. I sighed as I pushed his face from my neck and kissed at the space where his heart was.

‘”Behave Josh. I mean it. If you don’t, I won’t touch you. I will leave you to bring yourself to release.” I was surprised at the hostility in my voice. His eyes widened in a mix of trepidation and desire as I turned him around and hugged at his back. I slowly washed at his chest and arms, then his dark blonde hair. I felt him kiss at my arm and claw as I made sure that he was completely clean from head to toe.

I then eased my hand sans washcloth down to his ass and I heard Josh’s breath hitch as my fingers grazed his most intimate spot. He moved to stop me but I played with a nipple with the tips of my claws. He growled as he bit his lip; I kissed at his neck and felt my cock twitch from the sounds he made.

“…Cullen.”

“You like saying my name. Good. Say it louder.” I licked at the shell of his ear and eased a finger inside him. He squirmed about but I managed to keep him in place between the thrust of my finger and the movement my claw made with his nipples.

“Louder?”

“That’s not my name.” I leaned against him and bit his neck. He moaned out loud and shuddered as I eased a second finger inside him. The lathered up water really helped me to move inside him because he was really tight- much tighter than I remembered. “Say my name.”

“Cullen.”  

“Yes, louder.”

“Cullen…” Josh cried as he began to shift about, trying to fuck my fingers as I added a third one and worked him open.

“Louder!”

“Cullen!” He shouted breathlessly. He grabbed at my hands and turned to give me an urgent look as I felt our hearts beating in unison.

I knew that look, the look signaling that he needed me inside him- to fill him up in the most personal way possible. I turned him around slowly and helped him to settle his feet around me as he scooted closer to me so that our needs grazed each other at the slightest moment. I then stroked my cock as he lifted himself, his hands gripping my shoulders as I aimed for his entrance.

With a slow thrust, I eased the head inside. Josh let out a girlish cry as I attempted to move but suddenly I felt the water go ice cold. I bucked into him too quickly and jumped to my feet, my body freezing up as he squirmed in my hold. My feet slipped as I stood and I ended up shouting as I pulled the bathtub with me as I fell out. The mage laughed as I glided out of him onto the now flooded floor, soap and water everywhere as the mage gave me a sheepish look. (Seriously Josh!?)

“Sorry. I got…uh excited.” Josh shrugged as he climbed on top of me and straddled my hips. I let out a moan as he kissed at my nipples and grinded against my hardness with his own.

I shook my head as I pushed him off me and turned him around. I pushed his back down so the cold water enveloped his chest as he cried out when my hand met his ass hard. He turned to look at me; his face pulled into a look of excitement as I traced his thighs and held his cock fast with my claw, making sure not to harm the flesh in my grasp.

“A wild wolf needs to be tamed.” I grinned as I trailed kisses down his spine. The mage whimpered as I stopped short of his reddening ass, he bucked towards me when I slapped his ass again. “Maybe I need to find some ropes, tie you down and breed you like a mabari bitch. Maybe then you’ll become tame for me. Or maybe I should fuck you in public, show everyone what a defiant wolf you are…”

I felt his cock harden as I slapped his ass again. The Knight-Enchanter was enjoying it- As powerful as he was…he loved the feeling of me holding him down and taking him. I could not understand it. If I had the powers he had, I would never surrender myself to anyone, but not Josh- He loved to submit to me. In a way, it stoked my ego to know that he trusted me like that. Not to say that I didn’t trust him to do the same. I did.

“Vera emma v-vhenan! V-Vherain’edhis- Aahh!” The mage stammered as I leaned over him, my cock teasing at his entrance again. He reached to ease it inside but I tightened my hold on his cock. He let out a strained groan as I slowly pushed into him, his insides moving to accommodate my considerable size. It was a tight fit, one that I took pleasure in as I eased in and out slowly as I stroked the mage’s cock unison with my movements.

“What a naughty thing to say, ma fen…”

Once I was buried inside him completely, I kissed at his back and pulled him down towards me so that I was on my back and he was on top of me. He let out a sharp growl as we repositioned. I was still inside him and the feeling of moving about while joined was unbearably delightful for me to as I lifted myself and held onto his back while starting a slow thrust, helping him to bounce up and down on my cock.

The one thing about Josh that amazed me was the range of noises he made during our love making. At times it was hard to believe that he was a man from all the squeals and gasps he made but then suddenly, it would change to a manly gruff cry- both variants and every single sound in between would harden me further and drive me to impale him on my flesh.

“Say my name.”

“Cullen…” Josh rasped as I bottomed out, slowing pulling out then pushing right back in. My own body betrayed me as I started to grunt in pleasure each time I pushed into him. I saw him turn to look at me, an untamed look in his green-brown eyes as he grinned, all the while purring with each thrust. He liked the sounds I made and it only made me move slower to draw out sounds of lust from his sweet mouth.

“Louder!”

“C-Cullen!”

“Did you get hurt?! Are you alright Cu- Argh!” Velanna buckled after wrenching the door open in concern. Seranni peeked inside and chuckled as the broody elf quickly picked up the towels she dropped and tossed them inside the bathhouse. Both of them disappeared and Josh gave me a worried look as I continued to fuck him slowly. It was then that Jason decided to walk in with Samson behind him. (Not again!)

“I d-didn’t see anything!” Velanna shouted as the templars stood at the door, too engrossed in each other to notice me pumping into my lover.

“I don’t know- Don’t look at me Sam. At least now we have time to ourselves to- Oh Maker.” Jason flushed as he saw me thrust into the mage. I saw Josh’s back turn red as Samson gave the templar a confused look. He didn’t notice us yet and I wasn’t about to stop moving. Instead, I quickened my pace. Josh let out a low moan that only I heard judging from the confused look Samson gave Jason. The blonde however was still fixated on us.

“What is it, Jason? What’s got you all hot and bother- Gak!” The older templar gasped sharply as he looked away and covered his face. My mage flushed deeper as he closed his eyes to will them away as the sound of my hips hitting Josh’s ass echoed out with the sounds of water dripping from our soapy bodies on the stone below us. I wasn’t in the mood to shout so I merely gave the pair a feral look.

“GET. OUT.” I growled- my voice ragged and lusty as Josh squirmed under Samson and Jason’s gaze. The pair nodded quickly as they rushed out and slammed the door shut. Josh and I burst out laughing as I briefly stopped moving and leaned onto his back. “At least we gave them a show…”

“Oh Cullen…” The mage cried as I reached for him and bit at his neck again, he bucked into my cock and I found his prostate, finally.

“Louder, I can’t hear you emma lath,”

“OH CULLEN! AAHH! DAMN YOU VHENAN…”

“Better…” I nibbled at his ear, garnering a low howl from the mage that made me smile inwardly to know that I made him do that.

 

\---

 

I befriended several of the darkspawn. (Merely by surviving the Red apparently) However, all were male and Neria gave me an askew look when I inquired why. The Architect explained to me how Blighted darkspawn reproduction worked and I found myself on the verge of tears and gagging. Josh didn’t look surprised at all but the Architect assured me that his Awakened darkspawn didn’t want to rape to reproduce. If need be they could remain celibate until a safer, humane method was found.

There was a darkspawn named The Wanderer that I befriended quite easily- He was quite well travelled and spoke of many places he had been to during his travels as the Architect’s ambassador. The blighted man was really good at diamondback and managed to beat me at chess as well. We spoke at length about the Architect’s plans and Josh’s plans to save me and the creature seemed concerned for me as he waved down one of the ghouls working in the tavern and ordered some wine.

“What is it like to love, Cullen? I have heard of the feeling. I know of happiness and sadness from my time travelling about with Neria and the others but I know not what love is. Not truly.” The creature asked as he scratched at the dark, tattered hair on his head. I let out a small sigh as I reminded myself of what Josh told me that the Awakened darkspawn were like children. In order to change them for the better, they had to be taught- explained to. (Kind of like how we dealt with Cole: baby steps.)

“Love is a feeling of fullness. I liken it to when you’re done eating and your stomach is filled with overwhelming heat inside. It warms you up. Do you know that feeling, Wanderer?” The man nodded. “Now imagine that feeling where your heart is but a million times stronger, an inextinguishable fire that sears at you from the inside but fills you with a feeling of hope and happiness that you cannot compare.”

“Wouldn’t that hurt you?”

“Not really.” I explained to him about unrequited love and he nodded slowly. He then gave me a confused look as Seranni walked by with Josh and the mage sent a blow-kiss my way. (Cheeky bastard…)

“I understand why my people do not have coitus. But you are male, so is Joshua…I’m not sure how it works to be honest.”

“I…” The creature had me tongue-tied for a moment as I thought of how to explain it to the blighted being. He then looked at me with confusion in his dark eyes as he sipped the wine brought by the tavern wench. “Josh and I love each other. Reproduction isn’t important. We will adopt when the time comes.”

The time was soon. Sulahn would be in Honnleath after the Conclave’s failure, it was just a matter of finding her before any trouble befalls her.

“I am envious, Lion of Skyhold. I have never felt such emotion. I hope that one day, I will be fortunate enough to feel it. Are you in pain?” The creature looked at me with worry in his dark, tainted eyes as he pointed to my eyes and my claw. I had to force myself not to smile in awe. Josh was right. These people, the Awakened darkspawn were more human than actual untainted mortals. They took care of each other unquestionably and there was no politics except an overwhelming need to salve the pain of the tainted. It was amazing.

“It hurts sometimes but I am used to pain.”

“That sounds like what Cole said.”

“You’ve spoke to Cole?” The man nodded, a hint of a grin playing upon his blighted teeth and pale lips. “I hope he hasn’t offended you.”

“On the contrary, he’s quite a delightful spirit. He’s confusing but I understand what he’s talking about after meditating over it. I-“

We then heard a loud crash outside. I shot up from my seat and raced outside, fumbling for my sword as I approached the draw bridge and saw a group approaching with their weapons drawn as the Architect and Neria stood ready with their magicks intoned. A raven haired archer stood ready to fire but the Architect touched his shoulder and shook his head.

“No Nathaniel. Violence is not the way!” The man nodded with gritted teeth and regarded me carefully as I moved closer.

I approached and saw that the group coming our way was Maxwell, the Inner Circle and a large group- of soldiers. I sheathed my blade and moved to greet them but I heard a mage from their side chanting. I don’t know what came over me but I felt invigorated as I moved through a mist of blackness and covered Vivienne’s mouth, my hand over her lips as she and the Inner Circle gave me horrified looks.

“Stand down.” I commanded but Cassandra shook her head as she pointed to the darkspawn assembling at the entrance of the fortress. Josh appeared beside the Architect with Seranni behind him, she clung onto his arm with a terrified look as the Seeker looked at me in disbelief as I kept my hand over the First Enchanter’s lips.

“Until now, I believed that you and Joshua were our allies- that you both were abducted by these creatures but at this time…” The seeker turned to Maxwell who looked at her with an angry look as she drew her blade and pointed it to me. “We have been lied to.”

“If you fight us, you will die. Speak with us within to get our side of the story or die here and now. I have no qualms killing you if you intend on hurting Josh or anyone else here.” I grasped her sword with my claw and broke it in half as released Vivienne I walked back to the fortress, a look of horror on everyone’s faces as I took Josh’s hand and smiled. “Decide.”

“I…” The Seeker faltered as the members looked at each other with looks of bewilderment and horror. Maxwell then moved over to Cassandra and began to argue with her. I saw Sera lower her notched arrow and slowly walked towards me. (Sera…?)

I let go of my mage and moved over to the scared elf as she rushed into my arms and cried, holding a red sock in her left hand while pointing to the others.

“No…no- Don’t care who you’s helping. You’re my friend yeah! Fun times! Happy…times innit? Screw politics! Screw everyone! Cullen-Wullen is my friend. Kill me then, Lady Seeker. I stand with friends, don’t care you think. He’s my friend…bestest friend…honest.” (Huh. Would you look at that, Bat-shit crazy actually believes in me.)

“Did Moth send you to find me, Max?” Josh spoke as he moved beside Sera and stroked her hair. The elf cooed at his touch and latched onto me as Neria approached as well, her eyes fixed on Hawke’s as the rogue stood beside Cassandra. “I don’t appreciate you nosing about on her behalf.”

“No and stop calling her ‘Moth’. She loves you. She-“

“Enough Max.” Josh cussed as he pointed to the Inner Circle and shook his head and glared at Maxwell. “You have no clue what she did to me. You weren’t the one she tossed away like a broken toy. You weren’t the one she disowned. You were there for me but you never understood. I know Father. He loved me but that bitch? She doesn’t deserve to be called a mother. She’s a monster.”

“Brother, please listen-“

“No you listen now Max- Either you come with us inside to speak properly or you leave as corpses dropped from the bridge. Decide.”

“I will not-“ Vivienne began but Josh cut her off with a finger her way and a look of hatred in his eyes.

“Fucking decide already, Madame de Fer or do you want me to force you off the bridge. I can do that, old woman.”

The Court Enchantress cringed as the mage spoke and looked down to the floor with a distraught look my way. She when shook her head in anger as her cheeks turned red. (Old woman?)

“Cullen knows the truth about Mother.” The brown haired warrior gave me a sad glance. “He can vouch that mother loves you. She only wishes for you to harden. With Alara gone, we have to-” (Ah crap.)

The Knight-Enchanter gave me a single look as he moved towards the Inner Circle and gritted his teeth.

 “Shut up brother. Give me time with Cullen. Go inside and mind yourselves. One wrong move and Neria will end you all. Do enjoy your stay.”

“But they are darkspawn-“ Josh used a spell I didn’t see before, he moved his hands in the motion of drawing a bowstring, a wisp of light flared between his fingers as a spectral arrow formed and fire unerringly into Hawke’s shin. The rogue cried out as he fell to the floor, his foot sundered from the inside as Cassandra helped him to stand. She tossed Josh a seething glower as he notched another arrow and aimed at Hawke’s head.

“That was your first warning. I won’t tell you again.”

 

\---

 

After the Inner Circle and their forces begrudgingly entered Skyhold under Neria and the Architect’s care, Josh took me out into the wilderness. He had an angry look as we sat down in the snow between the trees, the cold air lashing at us, reminding me of how I carried my mage through a blizzard.

“How could you?” Josh asked almost wordlessly as he sighed and leaned onto my shoulder. I shrugged and he merely scoffed.

“Oh so it’s fine if you lie to protect me. I can’t do the same?”

“You don’t understand.”

“Of course I bloody don’t. You won’t tell me, Josh.” I snarled as I pulled away from the mage and he gave me a sad look as I trekked out into the mountain pass. He followed behind me in hurried, muffled steps as I started a slow trek towards Haven. “May I ask you something, my love?”

“Of course.”

“You destroy the world- in the future I mean- Why?”

“I…” The Knight-Enchanter latched onto my claw and snuffled slightly. “I can’t tell you.” (Seriously?!)

“If you can’t be honest with me, what hope do we have at a future together, ma vhenan? We aren’t going to be at war with the Elder One and Fen’Harel forever. I want to have Sulahn and you in my life. I want us to be a family again.”

“I want that as well, Cul.”

“Tell me what spooked you. I know you were afraid. Be honest with me about something other than your love for me. Love is not enough anymore.” I stopped and pulled my claw away from the man I loved. “Perhaps marriage isn’t for us.”

“How can you say that? I love you Cullen!”

“I love you as well, but all the shit you’ve been doing: trying to enter the Black City, asking me to drink from the Well, your blood magic and taking Red Lyrium…I am afraid to lose you. I can’t bother about what the Red will do to me because I am fearful for what will happen to you.”

“What if I became Tranquil for you?”

“What now?”

“If I was Tranquil again, I would have to listen to you. There would be no magic in the way. We could become a family again. You, me…Sulahn- your siblings.” The mage smiled but I grabbed at his armor and brought my hand across his cheek hard. He buckled into the snow and whimpered as I pointed a finger to him.

“How could you think that I would want you to become Tranquil, Josh? I love you the way you are- as do your foster parents.”

“Do you know why I hate my parents Cullen?”

I shrugged and awaited a response from the mage. He sighed and pointed to himself with a grim expression on his handsome face.

“I don’t consider myself as handsome.  I always considered Father or Maxwell as handsome. Truth be told, I don’t consider myself  good looking at all. I don’t like how I look. I feel awkward most of the time like I’m too cold or too hot or both at the same time. Moth said that I was too feminine. I needed to ‘man up’ and get married. Then Jason came along and I fell in love. She tore me from the man I loved and my father allowed it. From the moment Jason left, I felt my heart crumble each time I tried to rebuild it, until I met you. I fell in love all over again and I wondered how you could ever love me and I still have no answer.”

“You are handsome, emma lath and you are…good natured.”

“No don’t…” Josh waved me off as I approached him and held him from behind, my chest flush to his back. I kissed at his neck and he let out a small moan from the warm, playful licks I gave him. “I am a monster: A spawn of a witch. I don’t deserve anyone’s love nor am I worthy of marriage. You should let go of me.”

“El lath nadas suledin, emma fen. We don’t need a chantry mother to marry us. We can do it ourselves.” I smiled at him as I draw him close as I clasped my hands in his and kiss his knuckles.

 The mage gave me a confused look as I danced with him in the snow, our cloaks entwining as we moved about in a slow dance.

“I swear unto the Maker and to his Bride: I will love you in this world and the next for all of eternity. I will stand by your side in happy times and I will carry you when the burden of life becomes too much. We stand together, united against our foes and we will triumph together, my love.” I kissed his hand and the mage flushed as he looked away bashfully.

“I don’t believe in the Maker anymore.”

“Then affirm it in another way.” I nodded to him as I kissed at his knuckles again.

“Mythal, I am your protector and servant to the end of days but grant me a respite from the tolls my life in your service. Let my voice fly to you, Mother and Protecter of the Earth and Skies above. Hear me! Hear your servant speak his love for his Lion. I am yours Mythal but I am also his. Grant me respite in this weary life. Allow me to find comfort in his presence and know that I will always be your guardian. As the moon fills the sky with moonlight against the darkness, I stand vigilant, ever-waiting for my chance to serve you, my lady.”

“Never one…” I affirmed

“…without the other. Never one…” Josh affirmed.

“…Without the other.”

I wrapped my arms around my mage and I kissed at his lips, a small peck compared to stuff we normally did in private and sometimes publically. For a brief moment, I thought I heard clapping as I looked about confused for we were far away from anyone until Cole appeared and the pass filled with countless spirits, all clapping with smiles on their faces. They were the ones from the Nightmare’s realm.

“I…uh didn’t think we had audience.” I murmured as the mage looked at me with a worried look. Cole shook his head as Doubt waved from the crowd of gathered spirits, peeking through the Veil.

“They were very angry at the fortress. I’m happy you’ve bonded souls.”

“Bonded souls?” Josh gave the spirit a worried look but Cole grinned to himself as he disappeared into the crowd of spirits.

“From the ashes grows a new seed, a new tree brimming with life and love. The door is open. Go inside.”

(What now- Cole! Wait! Ugh…that boy-)


	10. Ir Abelas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry, Josh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter while listening to The Dread Wolf from the Trespasser DLC.

“Take…it.” I growled in anger as I pushed myself against Josh,

The mage whimpered under me, a small groan reached my lips as I plunged my flesh into his warmth without invitation or preparation. I settled my claw on his hip while my hand held at the ropes keeping him from breaking from my grasp. My mage cried out when I was buried to my hilt, his voice hoarse after spending many hours on his knees, worshipping my cock- albeit reluctantly.

The mage became defiant as I started a slow thrust. His body moved against mine as I pushed into him. A strangled yell reached his lips when I pulled him against the wall. He leaned with his cheek to it, his eyes closed as I rammed into him, quickening my pace so get some more pleasure from the act. He refused to move, so I encouraged him with a hard slap to his ass.

He started moving again, only this time he hissed as I raked his back when he moved too slowly. He kept his gaze along the wall as I continued to pound his ass- his hips unmoving as the pungent smell of sex filled the air but it was fine. I didn’t need him to move. Not anymore.

I pulled out of him with a snarl and pulled him with the ropes I had in my hand, guiding him down to the ground as I mounted him from behind, my chest flush to his back as I returned to fucking him relentlessly. I hit his prostate a few times and heard my mage cry out. I held him tight as I bit down on his neck, marring the already bruised neck with another bite as I traced a tongue over the nail marks along his spine. 

My Knight-Enchanter came in that moment, his spank landed on the stone floor as I continued to push into him rapidly. His walls pushed hard to evict me but I wasn’t satisfied. Not yet.

Josh let out a cry as I pulled him close. He tried to move away but all that he managed was to spur on my need to fuck him raw. His back arched as I raked his tender flesh, leaving dark marks along the bruised flesh of his back. The mage sobbed as I slapped his ass again, bucking to me as I quickened my pace yet again, this time the sound of my hips hitting his ass reverberated in the room. 

“No...P-Please stop…”

“You wanted this Josh. Take it!” I shouted as I pulled out and rammed right back into his tightness. I repeated the motion several times. The mage screamed out in pain as I pushed his back down so his ass could take more of me. I felt his hands move in its ties to cast a spell but I moved faster than him. I grabbed at his cock and drained his mana. The sound the mage made had me grinning as I pushed myself flush to his back, the shards on my chest biting into his skin as he tried to move away. “You are mine, Josh. Mine!”

Josh opened his mouth to protest and whined as I thrust into him at the same time. His cock began to harden again as I stroked it with my claw, the hard ridges gliding against the cum-covered rod but I could hear the pain in his grunts and it invigorated me. Before long, he was sputtering cum again onto the floor; a small puddle beginning to form as I pushed him down roughly so his ass was in the air as I pulled out.

“Mine…” I reiterated as I grabbed at his hair and eased myself into the mage’s ass again. He cried out when I hit his prostate repeatedly. His fingers tore at the ropes, growing red and bloody as I pushed into him, often stopping in mid movement to enjoy the feeling his insides trying to push me out. I remained buried in him for a moment; he sniveled as I stroked his hair and licked at his neck. “All…mine.”

Josh breathed as I pulled out then cried with each thrust, his ass tightening as he came yet again. I felt him try to move away but I brought my face to his neck and bit down. He screamed as the tears started to flow, making a puddle of it's own on the cold floor below.

“We are not done, fen.” I roared as I settled above him, like a mabari breeding a bitch. The mage under me cried out as I hit his prostate. He came a fourth time with a low sob. From all the times I found it, it was probably raw and enflamed with pain but I didn’t care. I was nowhere near orgasm and I needed to take him again, over and over if need be. He was mine. My bitch. My- 

(Maker’s breath! This is wrong!)

I awoke in the middle of the night screaming his name in horror, covered in a layer of sweat and tears as I looked to my left and saw that the mage was not in bed. I realized that I was in the de Chalon’s Summer Villa outside the Emerald Graves.

The estate was bequeathed to Josh and I after my love met with the Empress herself to remind her of the favors owed to us and the soon to be formed Inquisition. Cole erased the memories of the Inner Circle (besides Sera) and the soldiers afterwards, making them forget Skyhold, how they got there, our alliances and everything about Solas; meanwhile Josh and I relocated to the Villa de Chalons with Samson, Calpernia and Maxwell. The soon to be created Inquisition returned to Ostwick none the wiser to the machinations at hand, but they were perplexed somewhat. (Hehe…)

Cassandra and Leliana attempted to parley with the mages and templars. It failed. I sent out a message to Fiona and Barris to reignite the war to fool the Inquisition. The Conclave was in two weeks and according to Josh, we needed the stage to be set so we could be ready for the Breach. I didn’t want more people to die but it was required. 

Josh managed to convince Morrigan to come stay with us after his visit to the Empress. At first she was skeptical but all it took was my love turning to a dragon for her to realize who he was. She was shocked of course but she was mostly happy. She was overjoyed when we offered her a chance to come with us to the Temple of Mythal. The look of yearning and hunger of lore made me think of what Solas said back then. She really did look like a glutton in front of a feast. Kieran was a welcome sight however. It was nice to have a child around. He reminded me so much of Sulahn. (I miss you, da’len)

My mind snapped back to my current situation once I heard hurried footsteps as Josh raced over to the bed covered in dirt, probably from tending the garden outside. I jumped out of the bed, naked and hard as I collapsed in mid-movement. My mage fell to his knees as he pulled at my chest and eased me into his arms. I heard Calpernia and Samson clamor into the room as well but I heard Josh tell them to return to their rooms in a low voice.

“What’s wrong?” Josh asked as he stroked my hair and swaddled me, the smell of roses engulfing me as I cried into his grasp. All I could manage was a low murmur as he kissed at my hairline and traced my claw. (So gentle)

“Maker’s breath Josh…I’m so sorry! I- Forgive me.” I cried as he stroked my back, his fingers trailing over newly formed shards, breaking them down as I felt the white-fire wash over me. Josh continued to hold me as he shook his head with confusion.

“What for?”

“I…I…am too ashamed to say it, Josh.”

“Was it a bad dream?” The Knight-Enchanter kissed at my cheek and I nodded.

“The worst kind.”

“Tell me what happened, my love.”

“No…please don’t-“

“Tell me Cul. I want to help you. You are my partner now- my husband. I am responsible for your well-being, that and I love you. Talk to me.”

“Not right now.” I muttered as I pulled away from the mage and watched as he gave me an empathic look as I returned to the bed. He followed suit and smirked as he pointed to my throbbing need tenting the blanket I pulled over me.

“I can help you with that.” Josh snaked his hand under blanket and began to stroke my engorged flesh. I let out a pained noise as I pushed his hand away and buckled to the other side of the bed, Josh’s eyes looked at me with worry. “Now I’m really concerned. What did you dream of Cullen? Please talk to me. I’m here for you my love. Please.”

My mage moved over to me and sat down, his hand on my chest as I breathed in deeply. I eased at his tender touch as he moved his hand to my claw and brought it to his chest, the shards thrummed as his heart beat under my claw. He placed his smaller hand over it and grinned sadly. 

“Ma vhenan beats for you. Cullen. Not for Mythal, not for the Maker or Fen’Harel. For you.” (Liar)

“I know.”

“Then talk to me, emma lath. Whatever it is, I will understand.”

“I…alright.” I nodded to the mage as he scooted closer to me and wrapped my human hand over his shoulder. I leaned to his touch and cursed as I began to speak. “I had a bad dream.”

“I know that Cullen- that was obvious. Tell me what happened that upset you. Please.”

I gave him a worried look and started to explain what happened. I anticipated anger and him to chastise me. I expected him to be disgusted and to look at me with disapproval. Instead, he wrapped his arms around my waist and placed his head against my chest, he chuckled as my cock tickled at his flesh as he let out a small sigh.

“Oh Cullen…” The mage breathed as he traced a finger over the head of my cock and I felt my body hitch at the warmth his finger had. “It was a dream. That’s all. You would never do that to me. I trust you completely, ma vhenan.” (Do you?)

“You should be questioning me.” (I don’t trust you)

“Ahnsul nadas? Ar lath ma. I trust you. I want you. Hold me down. Take me roughly. Fuck me senseless. I will not doubt you, vhenan. I allow your control over me because I trust you. Cullen, don’t ever feel like you’re going to hurt me. I will tell you if it hurts too much otherwise- it’s perfect. Please. Don’t let this faze you.” (It doesn’t)

“I am afraid to even touch you; I don’t want become what I saw.”

Josh then grinned; he took my human hand and dipped it down his breeches. The flesh stirred as I touched it. At first, he gave me an irritated look as I merely kept my hand over the hardening flesh, but soon I felt my confidence return as I started a slow stroke that made Josh mewl into my ear as he licked at it with a slight giggle.

“Do you like what you feel?”

“Very much.” I kissed at his neck and sucked at the skin there. The mage took a long breath of air as I licked into the crook of his neck. The flesh in my hand throbbed as if to remind me to stroke it and the mage laughed as my cheeks flushed when I eased his shirt, pants and smalls off and tossed it aside.

“You are too cute, emma lath.” Josh chuckled as he moved for my erection and I hissed into his cold touch as he intoned ice. “Truly, the one thing I love more than your voice is the way you blush.” (And I love the fact that you are a liar)

Josh’s own cheeks turned red as we started a slow stroke, timing our movements with each other as we looked into each other’s eyes.

“I love the way you blush as well, amongst other things.”

“I am glad you love me.” (Of course I do)

“How could I not?” I started to quicken my pace and Josh’s face turned into a mix of shock and lust as he stroked me at the same tempo. He became breathless as I kissed at his neck again and licked at the hickeys I left on his tanned flesh. I smiled as he looked at me with a neediness that made my cock harden further in my mage’s grasp. “You are the best man I have ever known. You are impossible not to love.”

“…Such a sweetheart. Cullen- Please, never lose your valorous, gentle heart.” The mage grunted as I quickened my pace yet again, this time however, I led him to the headboard to we lay beside each other, our hands moving at the same pace as we traced each other’s sweaty bodies. My mage grinned coyly as he looked away bashfully when I looked into his eyes.

“I-I will…only if you stay as you are- a wolf with a heart of gold. Ma fen.” (Unfortunately, you know nothing better that to be ma fen)

“Of- Of course!” Josh moaned as his cock twitched in my grasp and I felt the sticky warmth spurt all over my hands and the clean sheets that we lay on, soiling it. The Knight-Enchanter looked at me embarrassed as he continued to pump me while I continued to pump his cock as well. “Oh…Cullen…”

“I love it when you say my name.”

“Cullen…” Josh purred as me leaned over me and straddled my hips, his hand still firm around my cock as I let go of his. He gave me a curious look as I brought my cum-covered hand to my mouth and in a moment of curiosity, I licked at my mage’s spunk and moaned as the bittersweet taste engulfed me when I swallowed, then I licked my hand clean. Josh looked at me lecherously as he sped up his movements. “Did you just…”

“You taste good.” I purred as he pumped harder. I brought my claw to his hairline and stroked the beautiful hair he had. My vision became cloudly as stars blinded me, my breath hitched as heat filled my loins and I came all over Josh’s hand and my chest with a deafening howl. Josh licked at his fingers and he ran a cold tongue along my abs, licking up cum with a haughty grin on his handsome face.

“You always taste good.” Josh smiled as he moved to kiss me but stopped when he noticed at my cock was still stiff, but not spurting cum about. He caressed it slowly and a shiver rushed through me at his touch. “Oh my- your sword is aching for its sheath I see.”

“Josh…no.” I tried to pry his fingers away from me but he gave me a stern look.

“Cullen. Take me.” (Such a defiant wolf…)

“But…”

“Take me, vhenan. I need you inside me. Let me show you how much I love you, please.” Josh simpered as he kissed at my chest and rested his head at my neck, he kissed and licked there as I felt my boldness return as I caught his arms and pulled him against me so that his back was flush to my chest and my tip sliding against his ass.

“No. Allow me to show you much ar lath ma.”

“Ma nuvinen, ma vherain. Ar lath ma.” (You say it too much, vhenan)

 

\---

 

Josh and I prepared for our trip to the Arbor Wilds; we would be going alone to draw as little attention as possible. To that end, we trained in the gardens while Sera and Maxwell watched beside each other eagerly. Sera organized Lifeward Amulets from Dagna so we could train with Samson and Calpernia with impunity. Red Jenny also looked at me worried as I wheezed after a rather productive spar. The Red wasn’t so active in my system anymore, so it tired me out often.

Samson hit really hard but I was able to take his attacks with my claw, acting as a make-shift shield. Calpernia on the other hand found that her magicks often failed from the number of times Josh or I drained her mana. What really invigorated me in battle however was how efficient Josh and I became as a team and it seemed that Sera was in high spirits about it as well judging from her cheers from the sidelines while wolfing down the cakes her ‘friends’ brought. (Glutton! Leave some plain cake for me you fool)

 We adopted a new formation; Josh would touch my back while I moved with my claw up to deflect attacks and to swipe at fools who tried to rush us down. When I opted to strike with my sword, I would slash out then springboard Josh forward with my back, he would then lash out with tendrils of made from mana and ice. If that wasn’t enough, I would break into a dance of blade and claw; at the end, I would grab Josh and fling him towards the foe. He would land with a crash, freezing everything as he landed on his feet then he would cloak and retreated to my back, slinging shards of ice and arrows.

After the tedious sparring, Morrigan would give us some elixirs she made to restore mana and stamina while she served up a hearty nug stew. She was a witch, but I had to admit, the woman knew how to cook. Perhaps she and Josh could trade recipes someday.

A movement into the dining room made everyone tense up but I welcomed the new arrival as Josh eyed her carefully while he helped the former Grand-Duchess into the vacant seat beside Morrigan. The witch scoffed as the archer regarded her carefully while sipping her wine.

“I must admit, I am rather glad to be out of the jester’s outfit. It was simply put…a mortifying ordeal.” Florianne smiled impishly at me, then at Josh. Without her mask, she was far less intimidating and I had to hold back a chuckle when she by mistake dropped her glass. A servant ran to clean the wine and she looked at me sadly. “I am sorry. It has been awhile since anyone has waited on me.”

“Get used to the feeling Ambassador de Chalons. You were once a woman in the shadow of your brother. Now the court will learn to fear us and in turn: to fear you.”

“What?” Josh looked at me with a stunned look as he pointed at the Empress’ cousin. He snarled loudly as he glowered at me. He didn’t understand my reasons yet so I set down my fork and smiled at him then at the woman beside the witch. “You can’t be serious vhenan!” (Why so worried, vhenan?)

“I am. She is a creature of guile and words. She wanted power from Corypheus because she was but a shadow in the Grand Game. She was ignored and merely kept around because she was the Empress’ cousin. I am offering her power: True power in the form of being an envoy of our cause. With her silver tongue and her clever mind, she could help us to avert the end of the world as we know it with nothing more than simple words.”

“So long as she helps us, I would have no problem brother-in-law.” Maxwell nodded but Josh looked at me with an angry look. “But what of the Inquisition- And sister?”

“They are needed for the days to come.” Josh spoke as he smiled at his brother then glared at me. “I have no doubt we will encounter her soon, brother. Alara was never one to hide for too long. She is either an agent of Fen’Harel now, or an agent of her own future. We will have to see. Sera, have your friends heard anything interesting?” (Of course, you would know…)

“Yeah. Heard ‘bout some nasty business in the Free Marches. War’s all over again. Shite- wish it didn’t have to be this way. Alara’s up and disappeared, strange innit? Friends frickin’ everywhere and she’s…just gone.” The elf spoke between chewing the stew and downing a mug of mead. “Ear’s to the ground Josh-Posh. Calperny’s got people on it too.”

I chuckled when I saw Samson look at the tevinter mage with an amused look. It seemed that she didn’t relish in the nickname that Sera gave her.

“My name is not- ugh…Yes. I have my spies combing through the cities and surrounding areas. It looks like she’s either very good at not being seen or she’s just vanished.”

“Do you think Solas could have taken her somewhere, to safeguard her or to pacify her?” Samson asked. I gave Josh a worried look and he looked outside briefly then his gaze moved to the templar.

“Anything is possible, Samson.” The mage nodded but had an unsure look in his eyes as he sipped his wine and looked at me again, I felt his heartbeat quicken slightly through our link with the dasemah’lin. “Solas is not a fool. Taking Alara would be obvi-“

“Sorry I’m late!” Neria muttered as she huffed against the doorframe and smirked when she saw the merry band of misfits that we gathered. “Got tied up with Warden business. Glad to see I’m not the only outcast here, Sera.”

Calpernia snorted loudly as she laughed. Red Jenny however, as not amused.

“Fine whatever. Just tellin’ you. Gonna have lots of ants in your pants Lady Pig-Laugh.” The elf blew a raspberry at the mage who did so in turn. Maker, it was funny to watch how childish the tevinter mage became whenever Sera prodded at her. Josh turned to me and kissed my cheek as he slipped outside briefly, leaving me to stop the pair from tossing food about. Samson was far too amused to do anything and Maxwell was engrossed in conversation with Neria to bother.

 After they settled down, Neria called me aside with a concerned look as everyone else left the dining room.

“The Architect has left Skyhold in disrepair for the Inquisition. He is moving to the west and I will be joining him after a time. I have to see Leliana before I go as this might be my final journey.” The healer fidgeted slightly with her robe and smiled at me sadly. “I worry for him.”

“Who?” I asked with a perplexed look. The brown haired elf turned towards my wolf as I saw him walk off into the gardens. “Why?”

“He’s a wolf by nature, Cullen.” The healer smiled at me and inwardly agreed with her. “A wolf will always remain a wolf.” 

“I know.” (All too well, Neria)

“Do you?” Neria moved closer to me and took hold of my hand. Her fingers slid over the ring Josh gave me, a large emerald adorned the lazurite ring in the shape of a tear drop. Josh asked Dagna to make it for me. The healer held it to her chest and her smile turned into a frown. “I hope you know what you are doing…”

“I do.” (I hope so)

“Good. I will see you tomorrow then, before you leave? You owe me a rematch.” (Ugh- Yes… I do)

I nodded to her as she disappeared into the various halls of the Villa. Suddenly I felt a presence beside me.

“What do you need Cole?”

“Are you ready for the Well? It was loud and full of voices- too many voices, overflowing, over-thinking, overbearing …too much. It is still the same but the door is open. The echoes will reach further, untainted, unchanging to save Purpose.” The spirit looked at me with a stern look. I placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled a bravely as I could, even though I was terrified to be completely honest.

“I have to be, for both our sakes.”

“I am glad then. The Elder One has replaced those you are taken from him. The Inquisition will have to tear him down when the time comes. We will help. I will help- but only when the time comes.”

“What do you mean ‘replaced’?” I asked the spirit with a look of concern but Cole merely grinned to himself as he led me to the makeshift war table we made in the library. The spirit pointed to the Exalted Plains, Suledin Keep then at Therinfal Redoubt.

“Linnea is alive- bones walking with no breath, a woman of desire- a temptress of men and women, a siren who lulls the weak minded into servitude. All for power, all for the Tranquil one and the Lion who dared to kill her. Promises of new life- Denam, a templar made red and fleeing to The Master. Choice promises a cure and there he is: red and wanting- angry and hopeful. Serve the Elder One. Must serve him. No other point to live. The Red will take us all otherwise.” The spirit then shivered as he shook his head in disdain and anger. “Choice gardens them, keeps them. Not too slow- not too quick. Just right. He is a monster- a demon. But he is Choice. Unusual desire kept on hand, not enslaved. Not bound, not begged. He is free from shackles and a lock. But he is the hand that sows the Red: demons draw Red.”

“Imshael.” I mouthed and the spirit nodded. (Ugh…)

 

\---

 

The dreams got much worse. I dreamt always of taking him too roughly and hurting him. He was always bound, a leash in my hands to keep him in check as I fucked him senseless, blood everywhere as my claw raked at his flesh and his screams...Maker...it was horrifying. I would always wake up hard, screaming and covered in sweat as I called his name and my wolf would envelope me with his white fur and lick at my neck but he would have a look in his eyes. A look I denied but silently acknowledged in the back of my mind. (This…is it)

Getting into the Temple was simple. After fight through some of the Elder One’s forces scouring the area for elvhen ruins, Josh spoke with the sentinels and I cringed when I saw how they regarded him with such respect and honor as Mythal’s servant. They however looked at me in disgust.

“’Tis most curious no? They regard him as one of their own- yet when they look at you…all they see is the Red in your veins. I wonder what this portends.” Morrigan murmured as she traced a few statues with her fingers and grinned once we reached the room that led to the ritual chambers. It never ceased to amaze me how beautiful and well preserved the temple was with its mosaics and statues.

“Nothing good.” I rasped as I bowed to an elf that I recognized to be Abelas. He looked at me strangely and greeted.

“Ir abelas, ma falon. I know not how it is possible for you to have the power of the Well, Josh’ua Lavellan but we are glad to have you here, your friends as well; so long as they behave.” The elf smiled for once as he took us deeper into the temple. “Normally, we would ask for you to walk the paths, but today is a special day. He awaits you.” (He? Solas?)

Abelas took us to the place where Josh and Calpernia fought Samson and pointed to an elf on his knees, his hands clasped in prayer as he muttered an elvhen prayer whist his spear twirled about him with each word spoken. As we drew near, he reached out and the spear slipped into his open hand as his prayer stopped. He stood up and Josh moved to greet him. My wolf looked wounded as the elf ignored him and moved over to me, removing his hood to reveal long, flowing blonde hair and eyes as brilliant as veilfire. Unlike the other elves, he had no vallaslin. He nodded to me with a gentle smile. (He was an agent of Fen’Harel. No Vallaslin, just like Solas and future-Ashara)

“Amelan-vhenan. I welcome you.” He then turned to Josh and nodded. “And you Josh’ua.” (He knows the Matchmaker)

“Who are you?” I asked and the elf merely smiled as the other elves left us with the taller elf. He watched me carefully as he walked around me then stopped after kissing Morrigan’s hand.

“I am the High Priest of this Temple. Once under Falon’Din, I was called Fen’Dinan. Under the service of Dirthamen, I was known as Eolasen. Now, in the service of Mythal, I am Fen’an Lavellan.”

 

\---

 

He was the one-

Ashara and Josh’s father…He confessed that he was the one that planted the Orb of Fen’Harel for the Elder One to discover. Josh didn't look surprised at all. Neither was I.

After my wolf explained his reasons for coming, the elf nodded towards me.

“I understand. Drink then after my prayer. Give…my regards to Ashara. I am sorry I could not be around for either of you. I had…duties to fulfill.” (At least he's being honest) He then turned to me with a curious look. "Ma serannas, vherain. You know what you have to do." (I do)

Josh looked stunned as the elf asked us to leave. A song filled the air as we stood outside the room and suddenly it was gone as quickly as it came. Abelas took us back inside to the well and up the makeshift stairs, the green-blue waters were unchanging, unmoving but I saw with him a grim look in his eyes. The High Priest was gone. It didn’t take much to understand what Fen’an did. (Dareth shiral, fen'an) 

“He entrusted you with the fate of the Well. Use it as you see fit. There is no reason for my people to remain, Josh’ua.”

“Ma’las a’melin ne ha’lam, Abelas.”

“Perhaps someday. Venavis nuvi’sulena lath amelan-vhenan. A’las nadas din. Ir abelas.” The elf smiled sadly as he moved down the steps and left us. I caught onto what he said but only understood a small part of it. It was more than enough for me. Josh looked at me, flushed as we moved over to the Well, side by side, arm in arm as Morrigan came closer to gaze into the waters, her eyes shining with awe. (This is it)

“’Tis the most beautiful thing I have ever seen…” The witch trailed off as she smiled. Josh then let go of me and extended his hand out, beckoning me to follow him into the Well. I took his hand eagerly and I saw him grin to himself as he stared into my leonine eyes.

“Mythal’enaste ma vhenan. Ar lath ma.” Josh cupped his hands and brought water to my lips, as he moved I grabbed hold of his throat and the mage let out a stifled cry as I drained him of his mana and held him above the water. (I am sorry)

“I don’t give a shit about Mythal. I give a shit about you.” I roared into Josh’s face as the mage tried his hardest to break free from my grasp. Morrigan drew her staff but I pointed to her and then to the love of my life. “Not so fast Morrigan. We have been deceived all along.”

The witch looked at me confused as I tightened my grip on the mage and heard him wheeze for air as I brought my claw to his chin to lift it. His stubble tickled my hand but it wouldn't matter in the long run. I had him where we needed him.

“What are you- I…love you Cullen! Please!” Josh croaked as he tried to kick at my chest. I brought a swift knee to his midsection and the mage cried out in pain as he crumpled up in my hold, his face red with blush.

“Are you telling me, or reminding yourself vhenan?” I scoffed as Josh looked at me with an angry look. “The Red addles me but the heart does not lie, and neither does your actions. I always knew the truth – but I denied it. You are His slave. His Herald. You wanted to be leashed by me, to keep you in check-”

“I love you Cullen! I would never-“

“Lies and whispers- a ball of self-hate on my chest. Deceive them all, I must do so for Him. Ir abelas Cullen. Ar lath ma, but I must free everyone. I must serve. I must pay the price for freedom. Drink. Be His slave as I am.” I heard Cole approach from the shadows and nodded as he entered the waters beside me. He watched as I lowered Josh closer to the water and the mage looked at me in fear as the half his body was drenched in the well. 

“’What is the price of true freedom?’ I once thought it was death but I was wrong. It is your own freedom.” I snarled, the mage gave me a terrified look, his heart quickening.

“Cullen please!”

I ignored him and lowered him slowly, he turned to Cole with a desperate look, trying to break free from me but I was far too strong.

“Here lies the abyss, the well of all souls. From these emerald waters doth life begin anew.” I rasped as I lowered him so that his head was the only part remaining above the water. His eyes dilated as he looked between me, Cole and Morrigan with a frantic look. I could feel is heart pounding in that moment.

“HELP ME! COLE! MORRIGAN! HELP-” 

“I am helping.” Cole smiled as he stood beside me and nodded as I pushed Josh under the water. He began to flail in my grasp and I turned to Morrigan. She had a sad look but it was one of understanding as she turned away and covered her ears. 

"There can be no shadows in the light if there is no light. Extinguish the light." Doubt whispered as he appear beside Cole and nodded. (I am sorry, vhenan)

He gurgled loudly as he struck at the water, his legs and arms moving rapidly as I used both my hand and claw to keep him down. His eyes were fixed on me but I felt no regret as I kept him in place. The spirits nodded to me then moved over to Josh as the Knight-Enchanter began to slow down and finally the movements stopped completely. His heart stopped beating and the dasemah’lin on his hand unclasped. I then heard Alara gasp in horror with Solas' calling to her behind me.

(I am sorry my love.)

 

\---

 

Two years passed…Whatever magicks the Well had to save me died with the Herald of Fen’Harel, allowing me to walk my own path of slow and agonizing pain. The Red would never claim me but I would lose myself eventually. The witch knew this, but she was eager to help after she drank from the Well in my stead. (Thank you)

Inquisitor Lavellan fell in love with Fen’Harel once more and she saved Thedas from the Elder One with my aid. Her brother was lost to history as the Qunari enacted Dragon’s Breath, but I was there to stop them and to meet with the Dread Wolf himself. 

He gave me a knowing look as he gazed at me and Lady Lavellan for one final time before he disappeared into the eluvian. He looked content, but a tad unhappy for the manner in which it was done. It was not to his tastes and I agreed inwardly. It was not to mine either but it was required. His Herald needed to be stopped.

With the Inquisition disbanded and Leliana on the Sunburst Throne, my group of allies took the Anchorless Lady Lavellan in and we moved to Tevinter after Magister Pavus and The Bull's Chargers contacted us regarding sightings of the bald elf in and around the city of Qarinus. Naturally we investigated eagerly, we needed to stop the Dread Wolf to redeem him and I was glad we had the Inner Circle at our side to help. 

Every morning, I would look to my left and I would kiss Him as He traced the Red with his fingers. He would look at me and smile, genuinely and lovingly as He reminded me who I was, for every day that passed I remembered less and less of myself but never my mission: To stop Fen’Harel and to make sure He never became His Herald.

I still dreamed of tying Him down and fucking Him relentlessly, but for the moment what we had was enough with his siblings, the witch's son and my daughter around us...our family- but for how long until I lost myself completely? That was my fear- The day the Red consumed me whole like it did to Kirkwall's Knight-Commander.

He was mine. Mine. My leashed wolf. My tamed heart. I took Him and He would grin ear to ear afterward, His cheeks on fire and no desire to run off and serve Fen’Harel. Cole made sure of that- and he made sure it stayed that way until Fen'Harel was stopped.

 

I never remembered His name, only His eyes.

It was all I needed to wake up each day and fight on.

He said that my name was Cullen.

The name didn't mean anything to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you didn't catch it at first glance, "Ir abelas" is an anagram for "Base liar", "demons draw red" for "drowned dreams".

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!! :D  
> As you can see, the series is not yet over. I have a lot planned for Cullen and Josh.  
> Watch this space ^_^


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